Alleb bloody loved this song. As far as western-cowboy-country-hoo-wee-pardner-songs sung by Marty Robbins, American singer, songwriter, actor, multi-instrumentalist, and racing driver went, this was certainly her favourite.

And the Texas Ranger went on down the old rooooooad

She bobbed her head along to the music.

And he walked to the young maiden and spoooke...

Alleb moved her whole body as the bass dropped.

And the Texas Ranger bought himself a carton of milk that daaaaay

Alleb leapt off the couch, breakdancing on the floor.

The carton was 1 litre and contained 252kJ per 100g

Alleb backflipped and leapt off a wall, moving her body to the music. Then the music stopped. Alleb stopped, too, arms thrust in the air, leg up high, sweat dripping over her still frame. She stepped to the gramophone, the sweat disappearing from her body in a fine mist, leaving her straight, smooth hair to float and move very beautifully in the breeze it left. The smell of sweat was technically still around, but her natural smell was so gorgeous, nobody noticed it (this was also helped by the fact that nobody was around.) The gramophone shook. It shuddered. It made a noise of skittering, and metal bending. Alleb stood back, getting into her classic Krav Maga 'Adam's apple grab' pose, the most powerful pose there was to learn in Krav Maga. A hand appeared from the horn. It grabbed the edge of the horn, pulling itself out, revealing an arm. It pulled harder, and then a head appeared. Alleb gasped, letting her 'Adam's apple grab' pose down for a split second. 'Marty Robbins, American singer, songwriter, actor, multi-instrumentalist, and racing driver!' she exclaimed, stepping back.

‘That's me, pardner, yippie-ki-yay. I, Marty Robbins, American singer, songwriter, actor, multi-instrumentalist, and racing driver,' he said, taking his cowboy hat from his moustache-less head. She could tell he was a cinnamon roll, just looking at him.

‘I-I,' Alleb sputtered, as he approached and stretched. She had done extensive research on him, and was deeply aware of the fact that she was two inches taller than him. What she hadn't researched was his incredible fondness for people two inches taller than him. She also hadn't researched his love for people who knew Krav Maga, people who used Krav Maga to grab Adam's apples, people with blonde/brown hair, and people with eyebrows reminiscent of Gandalf. ‘I'm a big fan,' she murmured, face turning red like a tomato, but in a really pretty and graceful way.

‘I'm a big fan of you, pardner, yippie-ki-yay,' he said. ‘And your dancing, too.'

‘And my dancing, too?' Alleb murmured.

‘And your dancing, too, pardner, yippie-ki-yay.' He extended his arm and bowed. ‘Will you dance with me, pardner, yippie-ki-yay?' he asked.

Alleb made a splurting noise that went ‘Mryes!' (but a really pretty and graceful splurting noise,) and took his hand. And so they danced. A few neighbours glanced in through the window and thought to themselves: ‘By Zeus, master of lightning and ruler of Mount Olympus, is that Marty Robbins, American singer, songwriter, actor, multi-instrumentalist, and racing driver?' but this was not true, they thought, and they shook their foolish heads and went on their merry, foolish ways, unaware of the true reality of the situation. Alleb and Marty Robbins danced into the night, and until daybreak, when the sunlight began shining through the window.

‘I must go, now, pardner, yippie-ki-yay,' Marty Robbins explained, releasing Alleb's hand and stepping back. The sunlight shimmered and glowed against his clothes. ‘For as a cowboy, I am banished back to the lands of the West by the power of the morning sunlight.' And with a fwump, he caught fire.

‘Will you visit again?' Alleb said, fighting back tears from both the sheer sadness of the situation, and from her proximity to the raging fire.

‘I'll always visit, pardner,' he said. ‘As long as you listen to my music, I'll be right there with you...' And suddenly he was gone, nothing remaining but faint scorch marks on the floor and the faint scent of garlic (which cowboys are known to excrete when they feel bittersweetness.) A single tear dripped from Alleb's eye, shining like a diamond, and she looked to the gramophone, and nodded, wiping it away with a graceful hand.