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|Game of Romes|
|1 2 3 Epilogue, sort of, or An Exercise in Meta and Badfic|
Edit: a/n ok, so this is the weird bit that got added in that mi friend thought was hilariousss. I hate these guys and idek why they’d bother hacking my stori to put this in, but you can read it anywayz cuz at least one person thought it was funny!! I mean, I don’t, but someone should have fun, right?? Enjoyyyy!!!!!! Or, u know, hunt them down and flam them. Like I said, I don’t like them. At all. But maybe you should see how it happened…~DW~*
Agent Dawn McKenna spun her chair to the side so that she could look at her author (chronicler?) rather than the computer screen. “This? Seriously, this?”
DawnFire shrugged. “Look, it’s…well, it’s weird, but…”
“Weird?” Dawn crossed her arms, glaring. “Who wrote this rubbish? Genderbent!Jay, downtrodden!Acacia, agent romances, agent/Flower romances, the complete destruction—or at least, rampant misuse—of Shakespeare’s work, and one of the strangest, most useless fusions of Twilight and The Hunger Games that I’ve ever seen—that’s not just weird, DawnFire. This—this is badfic. Of the PPC. Why does it exist?”
DawnFire shrugged. “It just does. It’s one of those Board secrets—sometimes we know why it’s there, and sometimes we don’t. For instance, right now I know that Huinesoron and Lily Winterwood and several other people have recently revived the Multiverse Monitor, and that I wrote myself into a Blackout Interlude, but I also remember being in that Blackout Interlude, and not knowing what was going on. Now, I think we may have something to do with the PPC badfic, but then again—who knows?” She peered at the screen. “It says this was written by someone named DuskWater.”
“That’s suspiciously like your name,” Dawn pointed out.
“It is?” DawnFire frowned. “Well, yeah, I guess…I mean, if you change Dusk for Dawn, and Water for Fire—wait, I know where that came from!”
“You do?” Dawn leaned forward, interested.
“Yes! It’s—” DawnFire grimaced. “Nope, it’s gone. No idea.” She shrugged. “I guess it’s another of those things…” And then she paused, blinking. “Why do I feel like I’m forgetting something?”
“Because I saw this awesome film called Men in Black, or something like that, and then I totally borrowed a neuralyzing thingy from the PPC, only it broke, so I stole some Retcon from Torchwood instead!” came an unexpected voice from the doorway. The writer and the Assassin both turned hurriedly, and stared.
Now, DawnFire and Dawn were quite similar in appearance. They both had light brown hair (although DawnFire’s was cut short, whereas Dawn’s was long and braided), and blue-green eyes (although DawnFire wore glasses, while Dawn had opted for getting contacts from Medical). They were roughly the same height. Dawn was somewhat more in shape, and wore black to DawnFire’s current blue. But this newcomer…
The newcomer was several inches shorter than both Dawn and DawnFire, placing her at just under five feet. Her light brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She carried a cell phone, which she occasionally typed on, and wore dark green capris, sandals, and a Harry Potter t-shirt. Her blue-green eyes were glasses-less and sparkled madly as she grinned at the two human occupants of the Room at the Board.
Except for the t-shirt and the cell-phone, she greatly resembled DawnFire and Dawn as each had been at around fifteen years old.
“Hi!” she chirped. “I’m DuskWater.”
“You wrote this rubbish?” Dawn pointed at the screen, torn between annoyance and amusement. “Why would you bother?”
“It’s not rubbish!” DuskWater looked rather hurt. “It’s a work of art. I worked really hard on it.”
“It’s…it’s complicated, I’ll give you that,” DawnFire said slowly, “but it’s pretty far from good.”
“It’s good mission material,” Dawn put in. “Or possibly good material for inspiring a stampede of furious PPC agents. But that’s about it.”
DuskWater pouted, the expression disconcertingly similarly to Dawn’s. “You’re mean. You’re not supposed to be mean, you’re supposed to like me.”
DawnFire winced. “Listen…”
Dawn sighed. “Kiddo, nothing against you, but where I come from we’d call you a badfic writer. Probably a Suethor, too. And, well, considering what the organization I work for actually does…we’re not exactly inclined to like Suethors or badficcers. And DawnFire here’s a writer. She doesn’t particularly like bad writing unless it’s being mocked.”
DuskWater stomped her foot. “My writing’s not bad! My writing is good! And you know it! You’re just jealous!”
DawnFire blinked. “Um…no, actually, I can quite honestly say that I’m not. Sorry.”
Dawn snorted. “Sweetheart, we’d have to like your writing to be jealous. And—no, that’s rude, sorry.”
“My writing is awesome!”
“You paired me with the SO! I’m going to have nightmares!”
“Calm down!” DawnFire put what she hoped was a calming hand on the Assassin’s shoulder. “Look, um, DuskWater, I’m all for encouraging young writers. Any writers, really. But…maybe you could listen to some concrit from us? Trust me when I say we know what we’re talking about. Dawn here works, um, improving bad writing for a living—”
“Some living,” Dawn interjected. “No frills or furbelows—”
“Yes, thank you—and I actually belong to a group that specializes in this sort of thing. Believe me, I’ve been where you are. Sort of. Mostly in IMing. But seriously, we can help you.”
“I don’t need help!” DuskWater was starting to cry now. “My writing is good! People tell me so! And—and I thought—” She broke off to sniffle. “I thought you’d like me! Why don’t you like me?”
“Let me reiterate,” Dawn said, getting to her feet. “You paired me with the Sunflower Official. And completely character replaced Jim Kirk in all of two lines into the bargain. Not to mention everything else, of which there are numerous faults. Do you even realize how much Bleepolate I’m going to need to get through this??”
“Dawn.” DawnFire pulled the older woman back into her chair. “Excessive punctuation won’t help. Calm down.” She looked up at DuskWater, doing her best to ignore the now-sulking agent. “We—we do like you. I mean, I’m sure we would if we knew you a bit better.” Dawn snorted, and looked away rebelliously. “It’s just that we really don’t like what you wrote. At all. It…kind of hurt to read, to be honest.”
“I hate you!” DuskWater screamed, and DawnFire flinched backwards, narrowly avoiding losing her balance. Dawn just blinked. “We could have been friends, but no, you had to insult me and call my writing awful! I hate you!”
“We never insulted you—” DawnFire tried, but the fifteen-year-old was beyond reason.
“You’re going to regret this,” she sobbed. “I’ll make sure you do. You’re going to regret this day for the rest of your lives!” And she ran out the door, slamming it behind her.
DawnFire stared after her. “Oh no. She doesn’t seem too happy…should we, um, go after her, or something?”
Dawn shrugged, beginning to cheer up. “Probably nothing will come of it. The PPC has the Creativity Shield, y’know. She’ll just write a couple of angry rants, maybe write about the SO docking my pay—such as it is—for a couple of years, and then it’ll blow over. Hey, what else is on here?” She peered at the computer screen again, tapping several keys. “Jaycacia? Who or what l’azazel is Jaycacia? Wait, didn’t DuskWater mention that in one of her A/Ns…?”
“Oh—no, hey, you don’t want to click that, it’s about an über-Sue who marries the SO and takes over HQ and kills Acacia who’s evil—”
Dawn gaped at her. “What the everloving Merlin—”
“I know, but it’s kind of hilarious if you ignore the brainbreaking aspect, and the reaction shots are wonderful—Oh, hey, here’s something about Eledhwen and Christianne! Let’s read about them, shall we?” She clicked hurriedly on the link labeled ‘The Queen and the Detective’ and started to read.
“Um, DawnFire, I don’t think the spelling bodes too well—RADAGAST ON A BEIGE GALLIFREY! CLICK THE BACK BUTTON, NOW!” She seized the machine and suited actions to words, shuddering.
“‘Radagast on a beige Gallifrey’?” DawnFire repeated, giggling. “It’s that bad? Seriously? All I got was ‘purrly plate tonic’ and a really long-looking console BEEP…”
“Trust me,” Dawn said, scrolling down the page, “if you’ve ever met Eledhwen or Christianne…you really don’t want those mental images.”
DawnFire blinked at her. “What mental images? It was seriously that bad?”
“I got as far as ‘black metal bikini’ and ‘tied up’,” Dawn said, and gave an actual full-body shudder. “Believe me, you don’t want to know.”
“Oh, that one!” DawnFire exclaimed. “I remember that one! It wasn’t so horrible, it had a force field of logic or somesuch—it was pretty hilarious, actually.”
Dawn stared at her incredulously, shook her head, and turned back to the screen. “These are people I know. These are people I work with. I could use less-traumatizing badfic.” She stopped scrolling, and blinked. “Someone…someone genderbent the Marquis de Sod and wrote him—uh, her—a—a romance fic. What. ”
DawnFire grinned at her. “Just like being back in Intelligence, huh?”
“No. ” Dawn glared at the writer. “It’s quickly shaping up to be worse—oh Merlin, please tell me I don’t have to go into these stories—”
“No, no,” DawnFire soothed. “I mean—well, no, you don’t. I think.” She frowned. “An AU version of you may, though? I’m not even sure. No, that’s not it…I don’t know. One of those there-and-gone-again things, I think.” She sighed. “Here, why don’t we look at something good? We could, we could watch some Doctor Who…or Torchwood, maybe, I want to check something in that—”
Dawn hesitated, but finally sighed and sat back in her chair. “Alright. Pull it up.”
“Wonderful!” DawnFire grinned at her, and reached out to rest her fingers on the keys. “Torchwood, coming right up…”
Dawn’s mouth started to pull itself up in a smile. “The twenty-first century is when everything changes…”
“…and Torchwood is ready!” DawnFire finished, tapping some more. “Here we go!”
She leaned back in her chair and pulled some popcorn out of a plothole as the episode began.
Edit: a/n isn’t it leik totally insane how I ended up in thereee??? I mean it was so dumb how it happenedd. They were supposed to loove meee!@!!!!!!! I mean, I actually liked them!! I admired them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, I even put one of tehm in mi sotiryy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought we were going to be friens and they totally shut me down. I hate them now. They’re gonna pay. I HAT TEHM!!!!!
I LOv u guys though so r&r and go check out my other storiess!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cookies for everyoneeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~DW~****
|1 2 3 Epilogue, sort of, or An Exercise in Meta and Badfic|