They called her a Mary-Sue, though that was not her name. They named her evil, though this was their own judgement, not the Lord's (A/N: Luke 6:37). They condemned her to death, though her life was not theirs to take.
She called their claims unjust, and they cared not. She begged them to spare her, and they heeded her not. She pleaded for mercy, and they were deaf to her. Then she claimed the right to a fair trial, and they were stumped.
Never before, it seemed, had the Assassins of the PPC - for such these were - been faced with such a request. Never before had they been required to see the hypocrisy they were perpetuating for what it was - illegal and downright anti-American. How could they claim to protect Middle-earth, the girl demanded, if they wouldn't even follow the Constitution? Utterly baffled, the Assassins deferred to higher authority. Mary-Sue was sent to the Sunflower Official.
My dear, the SO began.
"You can't call me that," Mary-Sue cut in. "That's sexual harassment."
Young lady, the Sunflower began again, you do not seem to realise the unique situation the PPC is in. We are above the law, you see, for the law is inadequate to deal with such villainy as yours.
"You may see yourselves as above the laws of the great US of A (though I don't believe that for a moment)," Mary-Sue said bluntly, "but even you cannot claim to be above the laws of God."
The SO raised an eyebrow (A/N: I know he doesn't have a face, but pretend he does). Who is this 'God' of which you speak, he asked, and why should his laws be more important than those of our country?
Mary-Sue positively beamed. "I knew you weren't really evil!" she exclaimed. "You're just ignorant! If you knew about the Lord Jesus Christ, you wouldn't sin so!"
You are making no sense, the SO said. What is this 'Jesus Christ' to us? And what is this other word, 'sin'? I don't know that one.
"Jesus Christ," Mary-Sue intoned, "is the Lord and Saviour of the Earth, who was crucified, died for our sins, and was born again three days later."
You still haven't explained the 'sin' thing, the SO pointed out, but more importantly, why should some dead person be important to us?
"He is not just 'some dead person'," Mary-Sue replied, horrified, "He is God, who rules all the world - including you! Haven't you read the Bible?"
I've read lots of things, the SO said dismissively, I may have forgotten.
"You wouldn't forget this," Mary-Sue assured him, pulling out the copy of the Bible that she always carried with her and dropping it onto the SO's desk. "Try Exodus 20:13," she suggested as the Sunflower picked up the book. The SO flicked it open, and then jumped back in shock.
This says that we shouldn't kill people! How can it be that I didn't know this?
"There's more," Mary-Sue said grimly. "Matthew 5:39 - the Lord Himself says to 'turn the other cheek', not to seek vengeance. John 8:7 - can you truly say that you have never sinned?"
But... we don't stone our victims, the SO said weakly, rubbing at his eyes to try and disguise the tears. Mary-Sue shook her head sadly.
"It's metaphorical," she said gently. "If you were a follower of Christ, you'd know that."
The Flower's tears burst forth in full, and he slumped forward onto the desk. How can I be forgiven my multitude of sins? he asked Mary-Sue. What can I ever do to atone for them?
"All you need do is accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your Saviour and Redeemer," Mary-Sue said lightly, and then became stern. "First, though, you must put an end to the killing. Tell your Agents what you have learnt, that they may go forth and sin no more."
... yes. The SO straightened up, looking determined. Yes, I must do so. This cannot go on. Pressing a large red button, he spoke into a microphone. Agents of the PPC, I have had a revelation. I have been shown a book, a marvellous book, a book known as the Holy Bible. This Bible is the Word of God, and tells of how His Son came down to Earth and died in atonement for our sins. More, though, it tells us that killing is one of those sins; not to judge others; that spelling is not as important as enjoying what you write (A/N: is that in there? I think it is). For so long we have not understood these simple truths, and we have sinned because of it. No more! From now on, the PPC will go forth and aid the Mary-Sues in their sacred duty - to spread the Light and Word of the Lord Jesus Christ to all corners of the worlds. God bless America!
When Mary-Sue made her stately way out of HQ, she encountered reverence wherever she went. Many Agents bowed to her, though she tried to persuade them not to. All around, the Assassins were revelling in their newfound wisdom as they fell on their knees and thanked the Lord for their redemption.
What did you think? I always thought that the PPC was only misguided, not really evil, so I decided to write about what would happen if they found out about Lord Jesus.
DISCLAIMER: Jesus Christ is Lord.