Like, once upon a time, a long time ago-well, like, all of this happened yesterday, so the guy we're writing about should still be alive, right? Like, yah. It stands to reason. Aaannyway, there lived this really, really hot guy named Huinesoron, lol. Like, he had dark hair and dark eyes and was like totally tall dark and handsome-uber cliche, but it totally suited him. And because Huinesoron was so hot, he had a legion of fans dedicated to like, worshipping the very ground he walked on (bcuz it was sacred, you know?) Anyway, with all of these dedicated fans, poor Huinesoron thought that there was something wrong with him, so he decided to go into hiding, and only talk to ppl online. This wouldn't have been a problem but Huinesoron decided that since his fans were the ones causing him all this grief that he wouldn't talk to them. Which was, like, so uber-unfair! Bcuz Huinesoron wasn't talking to his fangirls, his fangirls decided to talk to him. Which is where r story starts- with Tiffany, Brittany, Kristy, and Janey tracking down Huinesoron, kidnaping him and taking him to Middle Earth, bcuz, since he was from Middle Earth, it would do him good to be there.

-.-

"So, like, is this where Huinesoron lives?" asked Kristy loudly, unable to suppress a squee. "Like, OMG! I am so getting him to propose to me!"

The other, less enthusiastic fan girls shot Kristy a Look'o'doom. "Ah, knock it off, Kristy," said Brittany tiredly. "We know you're excited to meet Huinesoron-all of us are-but if you're not quiet, you'll screw things up."

"Besides," said Janey, bouncing slightly, "I'm the one who's going to propose to him first-but only after I ruffle his hair and tell him how sexy he is!"

Tiffany and Brittany, the more sane of the four girls, merely shrugged. "I don't care what you guys do," said Tiffany, "just so long as I get to kiss him first."

"Whatever," said Brittany nonchalantly. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. First, let's put our brilliant plan into action."

"Okay!" said Tiffany, Janey, and Kristy. Together they broke down the door (just to feel as if they were really following the plan) and marched inside.

-.-

Several thousand miles away, across the Atlantic in a state of no real particular importance, WfR logged on to MSN IM and joined a group chat with the rest of the five-Bjam, BiD, Kaitlyn, and Huinesoron. Things were going well, until...

"Help, fangirls kidnapping me, help!" typed Huinesoron.

"What's happening?" typed BiD.

From Huinesoron's side of the conversation came an interesting message: "liek, don't worry. we'll take good care of him! hS is from middle-earth, he'll like it there! Lol. ttyl! g2g!" With those words, Huinesoron left the conversation and logged off of MSN.

"Okay," typed WfR. "I think we need to get together for a meeting. Everyone?"

"Just give me a minute and I'll have things set up," replied Bjam.

Within moments a portal appeared in the vicinity of WfR's computer screen. Without wasting any time considering where the portal might take her, WfR leapt through...

And landed on top of Kaitlyn.

"Ow," muttered Kaitlyn. "Geroffme!"

"Sorry," said WfR sheepishly before standing and freeing Kaitlyn. "Now, what happened?"

"Huinesoron's been kidnaped by his fan girls," said BiD matter-of-factly. "Apparently, they've pulled him to Middle Earth. Which is why we are standing in the road leading down to the Grey Havens."

"Oh," said WfR blankly. "So you know about as much as I do. Okey."

Kaitlyn gave her an amused look. "Did you think we knew anything more?"

"Er, no. So what's our plan? Are we going to rescue Huinesoron?" asked WfR, bouncing slightly.

Bjam, BiD, and Kaitlyn gave her a look that roughly translated was something along the lines of, "Duh." "Of course we're going to rescue Huinesoron," said Bjam. "Why else would we be here?"

"Um... I don't know?" replied WfR.

"I know!" interjected BiD. "To go on a quest to find Maglor! Now if only I had something shiny..."

Bjam gave her an amused look. "There's no time for that now, though. We have to find Huinesoron. Everyone-think like a fan girl!"

There was a long pause. "Er-I don't know about the rest of you, but I've never been a fan girl of Huinesoron's," said BiD. "In fact, the only elf I've ever been a fan girl of is Maglor-and even then, not really a rabid fan girl."

"Same here, only-I've never really fan girl'd period," said Bjam hurriedly. "What about you, Kaitlyn?"

Kaitlyn glowered at her. "I am not a Huinesoron fan girl. They're evil."

WfR fidgeted. "Well..."

Everyone turned and looked at her. "No-you aren't a fan girl of Huinesoron's, are you? Or, were you?" asked Kaitlyn warily.

"Um, no. But I was a Legolas fan girl. A rabid Legolas fan girl," answered WfR. She bit her lip.

"Yes. Right. So, as a formerly rabid fan girl of Legolas and possibly Huinesoron," began Bjam, only to be interrupted by WfR's cry of, "Never of Huinesoron!"

"Fine. So, as a formerly rabid fan girl of Legolas, if you took said elf hostage, where would you take him?" finished Bjam.

"Simple," said WfR in a dismissive tone. "I'd take him to Mirkwood."

"‘Kay, thanks," said Bjam absent-mindedly. Within minutes, she had set up a portal. "All right, everyone - let's go!"

One by one, BiD, WfR, Kaitlyn, and finally Bjam herself stepped through the portal . . .

And into a horde of squeeing fan girls.

-.-

Meanwhile back at the ranch (don't you just love that phrase lol) Kristy and Janey were having an argument over who was allowed to kiss Huinesoron first while Brittany and Tiffany argued over which was more attractive - Huinesoron when wet or Huinesoron when dry. (Tiffany argued wet, and had already upended a bucket of water over Huinesoron's head to prove her point.) All was going well until...

"OMG!" shrieked Tiffany. "Like, who is that? They're not accessorized!"

"Like, no! We have to accessorize them!" screamed Kristy.

With glowing red eyes all four fan girls advanced forward.

-.-

"Uh, guys? I don't know what you think, but those fan girls don't look happy!" muttered BiD out of the corner of her mouth.

Indeed, the four fan girls surrounding them did not appear at all pleased to see four of the Freakish Five surrounding them. Instead, they looked as if-

"Oh my gods," said WfR, horrified. "They look like they want to eat us! Look - they're squeeing at the prospect!"

"Don't make any sudden moves," muttered BiD out of the corner of her mouth. "You'll only excite them further."

It was, of course, at just this moment that Kaitlyn chose to sneeze.

"Everybody run!" shouted Bjam, as the fan girls began to attack. "They've got mascara brushes and they're squeeing!"

"Mascara?" asked WfR brightly. "Do you know what they put in that stuff? You could go blind if you got too much in your eyes."

"That's nice. Now shut up and run!" snapped one of the three, already far ahead.

Shrugging, WfR broke into a run.

-.-

"Like, OMG! Get back here!" yelled Janey in frustration. "We're not going to hurt you - we only want to help you accessorize!"

Brittany sighed heavily. "It's no use. They've gotten away. What were they doing here, anyway?"

"Like, I dunno," said Janey blankly. "Why don't we look at that paper they left behind?"

"Okay!" said Kristy, bending it over to pick it up. "Like, OMG! It's their plans!" She scanned it carefully. "OMG! Like, they want to get Huinesoron back! It's all outlined right here!"

"Like, OMG!" shrieked the other fangirls. "No!"

"Yes!" shrieked Kristy. "Just look!" She shoved the paper under their noses.

"Like, OMG!" yelled Tiffany. "They, like, want to kill us?!"

Kristy nodded slowly. "Like, yea. The one with the horrible pony-tail and the frumpy clothes is, like, carrying a katana. Ooh, Janey, watch out - it looks like she might kill you!" Kristy tittered.

Janey glared. "Like, no! She wouldn't dare."

Kristy shrugged and continued reading. "Like, the one with the longish dark brown hair is carrying a broad sword - she's after you, Tiffany."

Tiffany gave her a shifty look. "How do you know?"

Kristy giggled. "It's all on the paper. Ooer, Brittany, looks like the one in the hat is going to kill you!"

Brittany glared at her. "And you, Kristy? Who's going to kill you?"

Kristy smiled smugly. "No one's going to kill me. I get to live, and live happily ever after with Huinesoron!"

The look that crossed Huinesoron's face can only be called one of sheer terror. If it had not been for the duct tape plastered across his mouth and the rope tying him to the chair, there is no doubt of what Kristy's fate would have been-death.

"Like, OMG! Let me see that paper!" shrieked Brittany. "Like, if they want to kill one of us, they want to kill all of us. It, like, stands to reason!"

She scanned the paper quickly. "Like, Kristy, they are so going to kill you!"

Kristy gave her a dumb look. "Like, what? It didn't say that they wanted to kill me!"

"It does so - right here! The one with the braid is after you!" giggled Brittany.

Kristy blinked. "But, like, how do we know which ones are after us when like all we know is what they look like, and all the paper lists are their names?!"

Brittany, Tiffany, and Janey all shrugged. "Maybe we're just logical? I mean, like, it stands to reason that we know who they are! They're our enemies - it's like our right to know who they are!"

Kristy nodded. "All right - that makes sense. Now, like what are we going to do about these sticks-in-the-mud?"

Janey smiled. "Don't worry. Like, I have something in mind."

-.-

"We've lost them," said WfR, slowing to a halt. "And I think we're lost as well. Does anyone know where we are?"

Bjam gave her a blank look. "You're the former Suvian. You tell us."

"Um . . ." began WfR. "We're in Mirkwood, right? We're indoors. That should tell us something."

"That we're in Mirkwood and we're indoors," said Kaitlyn, amused. "But where indoors?"

"They're Suvians," said WfR tiredly. "We're probably in Thranduil's non-existent palace - just watch, Legolas is probably lurking about somewhere, being stalked by Mary Sues."

As if on cue there came a large amount of squeeing from down the corridor. "Like, OMG! Huinesoron is so hawt!" squealed an extraordinarily high-pitched voice.

"Fan girls, yes. Legolas fan girls, no," said BiD. "They've moved. Everyone - let's go!"

Weapons at the ready, the four girls ran down the hall, to the room where the squee had come from.

"Ready?" asked BiD. Her question was met by nods on all sides. "All right. On the count of three - one... two... three!" She twisted the doorknob.

"Is it locked?" asked Kaitlyn timidly.

"No," replied BiD, staring at the knob in surprise. "It's not locked."

"Then what are we waiting for?" inquired Bjam. "Let's go in." Together she and Kaitlyn pushed open the door and strode inside, leaving BiD and WfR behind.

"I don't know about you," stated WfR, "but I thought they would have at least locked the door."

BiD nodded in agreement. "It stands to reason... hey, wait! Why aren't Bjam and Kaitlyn talking? You don't think the fan girls got them, do you?"

WfR looked to the door in horror. "Oh, gods no!" she swore before following BiD in pushing the door open and running inside.

The sight that met their eyes was one too awful for words. There, lying on the floor, bound in duct tape, was -

"Huinesoron?" asked BiD in disbelief. "So it wasn't a trap?"

Unable to speak, as his mouth was duct-taped shut, he instead nodded emphatically.

"What? It is a trap?" said WfR, confused.

Huinesoron nodded again.

"Oh, okay," said WfR, relieved. "Wait - what?"

Both BiD and Huinesoron gave her an exasperated look. "It's a trap!" snapped BiD. "They've got Kaitlyn and Bjam, now all they need to get is us!"

WfR blinked. "That doesn't sound quite - oh. Don't look behind you!"

Without skipping a beat BiD whirled around and neatly decapitated the two fan girls standing behind her. "You were saying?"

"Um..." said WfR, at a loss for words.

BiD grinned. "You forget that I used to live in Arda."

"Oh. Right," said WfR. She bent down and ripped the tape away from Huinesoron's mouth. "Now, where are Kaitlyn and Bjam?"

"Right behind you," said Kaitlyn's voice.

WfR whirled around. "Oh. Okay. I think I'll just give up now, let you guys talk..."

Kaitlyn, Bjam and BiD shrugged. "All right," said Kaitlyn. She bent down and freed Huinesoron from the rest of the tape. "Now, can you tell us what happened?"

Huinesoron laughed. "Yes, of course. Like, these fan girls kidnaped me and dragged me here against my will - because they wanted to do terrible awful things to me. And I was like, OMG! How can you? And they were like, We're your fan girls, we can do whatever we want. And I was like, no! And they were like..."

The four girls stared at him in horror. "Huinesoron?" asked Bjam. "What have they done to you?"

Huinesoron giggled. "They've done nothing to me, silly!"

"They've ‘Stu'd him," BiD decided. "We have to put him through detox."

"Wait!" said Kaitlyn, in a sharp voice quite unlike her ordinary speaking voice. "I've seen Huinesoron ‘Stu himself, and it was nothing like this."

WfR raised a hand. "If you don't mind my stopping shutting up for the moment being, Huinesoron told me that he ‘Stu'd himself for Pancakes!. He was nothing like this."

"No," said Kaitlyn, and bit her lip. She turned to Huinesoron. "All right. If you're the real Huinesoron, you should know this - what is my real name?"

Huinesoron giggled again. "Like, duh! I know this! You're my one tru luv, I should know - your name is Katherine! You go by Kaitlyn on the internet because it's handier."

"Wrong," said Kaitlyn tiredly, and without skipping a beat stabbed him through the heart.

"Well," said Bjam after a long pause. "That was interesting. Shall we find the real Huinesoron, then?"

"Let's do," said Kaitlyn. Giving the false Huinesoron's body one final kick, she walked out of room, with BiD, WfR, and Bjam hot on her heels.

-.-

"Like, OMG! It's so not fair!" squealed Janey, out of pure frustration. "They, like, weren't even thrown by our fake Huinesoron!"

"Like, chill," said Brittany tiredly. "That's not the only plan that we had made. Like, one of them is like, totally nuts over this guy. We're going to play off of that."

"Which one?" asked Janey, an evil glint in her eye.

"The Jareth fan girl," replied Brittany wickedly.

-.-

"All right," said WfR tiredly. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm hungry. I vote we stop for a lunch break-or at least long enough for me to dig something out of my bag." Without waiting for an answer, she promptly took a seat on the floor and started rummaging through her satchel.

"Oh, well," said Kaitlyn, bemused. "Maybe after she's been fed she won't complain." For WfR, showing her more annoying side, had steadily complained about the fan girls, life, and the lack of lighting for the past half-hour.

"Don't worry," said WfR around a mouthful of chocolate bar. "I'll stop."

"Good," remarked BiD, bouncing randomly.

Shoving her belongings back in her back, WfR clamoured to her feet. "Wagons ho!" she cried, before running down the corridor.

Shrugging, Bjam, BiD, and Kaitlyn followed at a more reasonable speed.

-.-

"Like, OMG!" squealed Janey in exasperation. "Like, when are they going to run across our fake guy?"

"Soon," said Brittany tiredly. "Like, chill. Don't worry. When it happens, it happens."

"Like, OMG!" shrieked Tiffany. "Like, there he is!"

Brittany grinned evilly. "Like, what did I tell you? Let's watch and see what happens."

-.-

"Hurry!" cried WfR impatiently. "We're almost to where they've got Huinesoron held captive-I can feel it!"

Kaitlyn, Bjam, and BiD exchanged an amused look. "You can feel it how?" asked BiD.

"Simple," said WfR. "The fan girls' giggling is getting loude-" A familiar voice cut her off.

"Hello, Jenn."

Upon hearing her real name used, WfR froze. "Please say you aren't who you think I are," said she timidly.

A tall figure obscured by a cloak stepped out of the shadows. "Of course I'm not who you think I am. You think that I'm another clone of Huinesoron. I am not."

WfR bit her lip. "No, I don't think you're another clone of Huinesoron. I'm afraid that you're a clone of Jareth."

"You would be wrong," said the figure, throwing off the cloak. "I am Jareth."

WfR winced. "You can't be the real Jareth."

Jareth gave her a puzzled look. "And why not?"

"Because the real Jareth is still in the Labyrinth. And the real Jareth, er..." she trailed off.

"The real Jareth what, dearheart?" asked Jareth. "The real Jareth is in love with Sarah, and would never give you a passing thought?"

"No!" snapped WfR, then blushed as she realised what she'd said. "I mean..."

"You are not in love with me, are you, Jenn?" inquired Jareth delicately.

"Never," answered WfR tiredly. "You're not real. How could I ever love someone who is not real?"

"Am I not real, then?" mused Jareth. "Then why am I here, the same as you?"

"I... don't know," admitted WfR.

"I see," said Jareth slyly. "If I am not real, Jenn, then why is it that you have spent the past two weeks in my Labyrinth?"

WfR winced. "I haven't. I've spent the past two weeks at home."

"Oh really?" inquired Jareth. "Then how do you explain my possessing this?" He held up a black vinyl wallet.

WfR paled. "It's fake. My real wallet is in my bag. I know it is." As if to prove her point, she began rummaging through her belongings, only to stop. "Damn you Jareth, and damn me too," she snapped. "That is my wallet."

"Now you're quoting Hoggle, Jenn. Haven't you realised that it is I, Jareth, your one true love, and that I am not trying to deceive you? Or shall I call you by your full name?"

She closed her eyes. "Fine. Try it."

"Your full name is-" began Jareth, only to stop. "Your full name is Jordan Elizabeth Amethyst Titania Donelly O'Neil," he finished, in a voice marked by a heavy American accent.

"Wrong!" said WfR gleefully. "You're not the real Jareth!" Snatching back her wallet, she gave the false Jareth a sharp kick in the shins before turning her katana on him.

WfR turned to Bjam, BiD, and Kaitlyn. "Wagons, ho!" she exclaimed happily, before being to march forward again.

Kaitlyn stared after her. "Remind me to never cross WfR," said she blankly.

-.-

"Liek, ew!!1" squealed Brittany as she saw what WfR had done to the fake Jareth the group had created. "She is like, so mean!!! He only wanted to love her!!!"

"Just chill," said Tiffany tiredly. "They're, like, winning, and that's not right."

"Like, yah, but what can we do??" asked Janey. "They're, like, soo weird, they don't fall for any of our traps!"

"Like, they haven't fallen for any of your traps," said Kristy smugly. "We, like, haven't tried mine yet."

The other three girls exchanged furtive looks. "Like, okay," said Janey finally. "Let's hear it."

"Well, since one of them is like completely gaga over this guy . . ." began Kristy.

"Like, OMG! I get it!" squeed Janey. "We'll, like, use it against her!" She paused. "Hey, wait-didn't we try that with the violent girl???"

"Like, yah," said Kristy disdainfully. "But, like, you like totally went about it the wrong way. What we'll do is this . . ." Her voice dropped to whisper-level.

"Ooh, scandalous!" cried Brittany, Tiffany, and Janey in unison upon her finishing. "Let's do it!"

-.-

While the fan girls plotted, Kaitlyn, BiD, Bjam, and WfR continued slogging onward, with each step growing more and more suspicious.

"They haven't done anything in ages," said WfR fearfully. "They've got to be plotting something."

"That or they've decided that we're too smart for them and they've given up," replied Kaitlyn cheerily. "I know these fan girls-they're not intelligent enough to come up with more than two plots."

"You've got a point..." began WfR, only to stop. "Or maybe not. I'm going-bye!" Without warning, she jumped behind a hideous ornamental vase painted bright pink.

Kaitlyn blinked. "Odd child," she remarked.

"No, Fairly Odd Jenn," corrected WfR from behind the vase. "But not now-look ahead! That goes for BiD and Bjam as well!"

"Oh," said Kaitlyn, after a long pause. "Um... what am I supposed to be looking at?"

"There's a guy hiding behind the curtains. I can see his feet," answered WfR nervously.

Intrigued, BiD looked to the curtains in question. "She's right-there is someone there."

"Of course there is," said a voice. There was a rustling noise as the curtains were pushed aside and a man clad in black stepped forward. "After all, would not you hide if the ‘fan girls' were after you?"

"That depends. Why are they after you?" asked Bjam.

The man grinned. "Now, I do not suppose any of you have read The Silmarillion?"

BiD nodded. "I have, and I think WfR might have..."

"I have," said WfR in a muffled voice. "But it was a long time ago, and I don't think that hiding behind the curtains has anything to do with it."

"Wait a second-I think I know what you're getting at. Are you a character from the Silm?" inquired BiD.

"Yes," said the man-er-elf tiredly. "I am Maglor, one of the Sons of Feanor-the same Maglor that was written of in The Silmarillion."

A look of amazement crossed BiD's face. "Then-do you remember me?"

Maglor gave her a scrutinizing look. "How could I forget you, fair BiD?"

BiD bounced. "Yay! I knew if I waited you'd come back!" She gave the other three a smug look. "And I didn't even have to use something shiny!"

"Ai Valar, no!" exclaimed Maglor.

"Why not?" asked Kaitlyn, seemingly genuinely curious.

"Consider the facts. After the entire mess with the Silmarils, and the oath made by my brothers and I, do you think that I will want something shiny?" said Maglor tiredly.

"Er... yes?" answered BiD.

Maglor smiled wanly. "Dearheart, it was a rhetorical question. I wasn't really expecting an answer."

"Oh." said BiD. She looked slightly surprised. "But-the last time I spoke with you, you still liked shiny things."

"Yes, but that was in the First Age, dearheart. Things have changed somewhat."

At the word "dearheart" WfR shuddered. "Could you possibly call your one true love by some other name?" she implored. "‘Dearheart' reminds me of that awful Jareth clone, and..."

Maglor gave her a withering look. "I will call my beloved what I wish, and nothing else."

BiD prodded her with an elbow. "Is it just me, or does he not sound like Maglor?" she said, in a low voice.

"No. But he doesn't seem to be a friend of the fan girls, either," remarked WfR.

"Right," said BiD, sounding doubtful. "Well . . . let's wait and see what he does."

"Maglor" chose just that moment to speak. "I believe that you are searching for someone, are you not? I will aid you, if I can-I do not believe I could bear to watch my dear, dear BiD walk away from me again." He smiled in a suave way. "If you are looking for the child Huinesoron, I know where he might be found."

Bjam giggled. "He won't be happy if he finds out about that."

"And why not?" inquired Maglor. "I am only trying to help-truly, if you do not want my aid, I will not give it."

"No, no, by all means, help," said Kaitlyn hurriedly. "Just-don't call Huinesoron a child. He's the oldest of all of us."

"Very well," replied Maglor, sounding slightly miffed. "I will do what I can. Follow me!"

Without skipping a beat, Kaitlyn and Bjam followed him; and were in turn followed by a more wary BiD and WfR.

-.-

"Like, OMG!" squeed Janey. "They've played right into our trap!"

"Shh! Not so loud!" hissed Brittany. "We've almost won-we don't want them to hear us now. If they find out that we're hiding here, they'll never let us live it down!"

"Oh, right," giggled Janey. "I'll be good." Still tittering, she contented herself with watching their trap play out...

-.-

A half-hour later, the four girls were no closer to finding Huinesoron-and indeed doubted that they ever would.

"Are you sure that this isn't a trap?" WfR asked BiD more than once. "It's starting to feel like a trap."

BiD only frowned. "If he were leading us in circles, perhaps, but we've been traveling in a straight line," she muttered. Aloud, she said, "Thanks once again for leading us onward, Maglor-are you sure that this is the way to where Huinesoron is?"

"Of course, dearest," said Maglor confidently. "Just a bit further-ah! We're almost there. Now, don't let the doors trick you."

Indeed, upon his words there suddenly appeared a multitude of doors, each with a plaque on it inscribed, "This way to Huinesoron" or, "Warning-Do Not Enter. Fan Girls Within."

"Don't worry," said BiD sweetly. "We wouldn't dream of letting anything trick us."

At the syrupy voice she used, WfR froze. "BiD, what are you doing?"

"Don't worry," murmured BiD. "I have a plan." To Maglor, she declared, "I've tired of this walking nonsense. Surely, we may stop to take a short rest?"

"Anything for my sweetie pie," cooed Maglor. He slowed to a halt.

"Thanks, but I'm not your "sweetie pie"," snapped BiD. "Nor have I ever been, nor will I ever be. It was nice of you to take us this far-but really, did you think that on leading us past the right door we'd be so stupid as to overlook it? I may be young, but I'm not naive." With that said, she unsheathed her sword...

And sliced past Maglor into the nearest door, one bearing Huinesoron's real name upon it.

"Come on, everyone!" she shouted, over the noise that followed. "Huinesoron needs us!"

Together, the four dived through the door . . . and into a short but still bloody battle.

-.-

"Like, OMG! I think it's working!" exclaimed one of the fan girls. It didn't matter which one, for at just that moment, Kaitlyn neatly beheaded her.

"Not fair!" said another, grabbing a Bowie knife off the table and advancing toward her. "Like, that was Kristy! You can't just kill her and expect me, Brittany, not to defend..." She never stood a chance, for at just that moment Bjam chose to sever her jugular vein.

"What do you care what happens to him, huh?" jeered Janey. "It's not like he likes you, you OCD case. I've seen your live journal!"

Shrugging, Kaitlyn made quick work of the defenseless fan girl. "Hey, at least I'm his friend," she murmured. "And I've never lusted after him!"

WfR grinned. "Although one might wonder if your affections toward him did not lean in that direction," she began, only to be stopped by the feel of steel against her neck. "Oops."

"Oops is right," grunted BiD, running her blade through the fan girl's abdomen. She gave WfR a withering look. "Now's not the time. Come on-let's get out of here before someone else almost dies."

WfR shrugged. "Hey, it's the way I want to go. I wouldn't mind."

BiD stared at her blankly. "Oh dear Eru," she muttered. "And I thought I was nuts."

"Shut up and get working," snapped Kaityn from where she was crouched near the chair where Huinesoron was tied. "Those silly chits have him duct-taped in place-lend me a hand."

"Or a knife," said WfR brightly, working the proffered blade free from the dead hand that clutched it. She tossed it to Kaitlyn. "Careful, it's sharp!"

Bjam smiled. "Thank you, Captain Obvious."

Using the knife stolen from Tiffany, Kaitlyn made quick work of the tape binding Huinesoron, letting him pull off the duct-tape still over his mouth.

"Took you long enough, didn't it?" said Huinesoron irritably. "I could've rescued all four of you in the time it took you to rescue me."

"Oh, shush," said WfR in mock-grouchiness. "You didn't have to slay look-alikes and avoid being wooed by goblin kings, and try and find the way after an evil clone of Maglor tried to steer us wrong."

Huinesoron gave her an exasperated look. "No, but you didn't have to sit and listen to the fan girls plot who was going to do what first."

WfR shrugged. "Still, you didn't have to kill someone who looked like someone that you're close to."

"Point," said Huinesoron. "But it doesn't really matter. It's all over now."

WfR tilted her head. "Er, yeah. But that doesn't sound like you."

Huinesoron grinned in a very feral manner. "Perhaps the fan girls have taught me something."

"Eek!" shrieked WfR. Without stopping to look back, she bolted through the portal that Bjam had thoughtfully set up...

And landed in the Labyrinth.

"Well," she told Jareth. "I'm home."

-.-

Epilogue, or What Happened to the Fake Maglor and the Freakish Five:

The fake Maglor glanced about the room furtively. With the fan girls dead, he had no one to follow. The thought pleased him. Now, if only there was some way to escape from this false Mirkwood...

He smiled. Of course-the dungeon, the same way the Mary Sues escaped. With a snap of his fingers, he space-shifted to the dungeons, and began to run down the corridor, feet pounding the stone. What with the racket he raised trying to escape, he never heard the soft twang of the bowstring, or the noise the arrow made as it lodged in his heart. Indeed, he noticed nothing. So he ran with a smile on his face, so he died with that self-same smirk written across his features, never knowing who his killer was.

From the shadows Legolas Thranduillion watched as his arrow met its mark, piercing the heart of the intruder in black. Times were dark in Mirkwood, and one could never be too careful when it came to the dungeons. Since the escape of the dwarves and the invasion of the "Shadow elves" and their kith, he found it was best to simply shoot all who wandered down there. Smiling grimly, he hefted the body onto his back and deposited it on a pile of those already slain.

-.-

Back at home in the Labyrinth, WfR laughed as she logged onto MSN, expecting to find no one online, for after all that they'd been through, she sincerely doubted that the other members of the Five would really want to IM each other-and finding no one online meant that she would be allowed to bother Jareth-

And no one was online. Grinning, she sprang from the chair and ran down the corridor of the Labyrinth...

Only to be tripped by a sneaker-clad foot. "Not so fast, imposter!"

WfR blinked and looked up from the floor where she lay, sprawled. "What's wrong?"

"You've been pretending to be me ever since I typed the false Maglor's death," said the owner of the foot-a tall, dark-haired girl. "Now, shove over. This is my bit of story-where I get to be happy wandering the labyrinth before I go back to real life to be happy wandering there."

WfR gaped at her. "You're kidding. You wouldn't seriously write about you two-timing on your boyfriend with the goblin king and post it on your livejournal!"

The owner of the foot gave her a puzzled look. "Er, no. How'd you know about my livejournal?"

"Simple," said WfR, in a casual voice. "In taking over your life, I had to know about you. What better way to learn than through your journal?"

"Um . . . by reading my diary," said the other girl, eyeing WfR warily. "And you admit that you're trying to take over my life! Why?"

"Simple," said WfR casually. "It's much more interesting than my own."

"How can *you* have a life? You're my internet name!"

"You created me," said WfR delicately. "I'm a fandom bitch, an elitist, a lover of literature, a perfect girlfriend-and all because of you. You made me."

The girl blinked. "Er... you have a point. But I made you those things because I'm those things. Except the perfect girlfriend-I don't know *where* you got that." She glanced up at the narrator. "And my name's Jenn, by the way-you don't have to refer to me as "the girl" wherever I go."

WfR glared at her. "The perfect girlfriend came from you, as did the crush on your-"

"Shut up!" said Jenn hurriedly. "No one needs to know about that."

WfR smiled. "Except me. I know about everything. Even about how when you were four, you used to talk to yourself and get an ans-"

"Writer from Rivendell, I'd really appreciate it if you shut up. Now. Before I call on Jareth to come and take care of things."

"Oh, he won't do a thing," said WfR casually. "He's already slept with me-I've got him wrapped around my finger now."

Jenn gave her a scrutinizing look. "You wouldn't. You also have my morals."

"Which, I must admit, were hard to get rid of," drawled WfR. "Until, of course, you told your first dirty joke. Remember the one about the frosting?"

Jenn winced. "Damn it," she muttered, more for the benefit of the audience than anyone else. "I knew I shouldn't have told Rachael about that."

"Of course not," said WfR soothingly. "Now, will you let me have my fun with the goblin king before you send me back to that terrible Endor?"

"Never," said Jenn, through gritted teeth. "You're evil. You're a Mary Sue-something you weren't intended to be-and you're not real."

"Am I not, then?" asked WfR in a bored tone. "Such a pity."

Jenn laughed darkly. "Oh yes," she said. She pulled a pad of paper out of her satchel and began to write.

"What," asked WfR, as her hands began to disappear, "are you doing? I'm a part of you! You can't erase me!"

Jenn smiled. "I'm afraid it's a bit late for that..."

"Noo . . ." WfR shrieked, as the rest of her disappeared bit by bit. "You'll never get away with this-never!"

"Odd," said Jenn happily. "I think I already have."

Strolling over to the computer, she signed onto her MSN account and began chatting with the ‘Five.

-.-

Two weeks passed without event, and slowly things involving the Five began to fall back into a more normal rhythm-with days spent normally, going to school, working, doing normal things, and nights spent talking about the latest adventure of the Freakish Five.

That is, until the night the lights went out... but that's a different story, one that this author won't get into. Really. If you want to know, just go bother bjam.