Barid and Neshomeh were strolling through the halls of HQ, hand in hand, when Neshomeh suddenly spoke up about something that had been on her mind.
"You know," she said, "all of this casual sex is nice, but now that you've officially got Permission, and Huinesoron and Kaitlyn don't seem to be around, that makes us the Official PPC Board Couple. And I think that gives us the right to have really fantastic sex with just us if we want to."
"I'm down with that," Barid intoned. "You wanna?"
Neshomeh did wanna. So, they resolutely didn't detour from their original path, which brought them quickly to the Lounge. But upon opening the door and looking inside, they found that the best make-out spot was already occupied with Maudlin Hart and Ciri Anekath, who despite being quite young were making up for it with a strong showing of friendly cuddles.
"Aww," said the Official PPC Board Couple. They decided to look elsewhere and left the two younger Boarders to themselves.
"Where else can we go?" Barid asked.
"Well, there's a broom cupboard right here," Neshomeh pointed out. But this too was taken.
"All right, Jack!" Barid complimented. Jack waved indistinctly from somewhere between Bronwyn and Miah.
They closed the cupboard door and moved on to the PPC Archives, which seemed a likely prospect as it was quiet inside. However, they had not gotten two feet before Neshomeh tripped over a very familiar body. Her jaw dropped.
"Hey! You're agent!me! What are you doing?"
"Cataloging," Agent Neshomeh replied innocently.
"Also taking inventory," Agent Terri Ryan added from beneath her, far less innocently.
Boarder!Neshomeh turned around and left in a hurry, muttering something about awkward and not needing to see that. Barid did not help matters by commenting that they should go back there later and spend some time with just the three of them.
The pair continued down the corridor until they came to a likely-looking door. They walked through it and found themselves on the ceiling.
"Oh, great. An Escher room," said Neshomeh.
Barid did not respond immediately, as he was too busy gaping at the scene before them. Trojie, Cassie, Sara, Techno-Dann, and July were arranged in various states of undress and gravitational orientation more or less centered on Lux, who held a book open in her hand and was giving the others pointers.
"So you see," she was saying, "position 51 IS physically possible if you do it like this!"
There was a chorus of pleased "Ohhh!"s from her pupils.
"Where can we get a copy of that?" Barid wondered.
"Maybe we can borrow it when they're done," said Neshomeh. "But they're busy right now. Come on. There has to be SOME place that's free!"
They left the Escher room and headed for FicPsych, figuring it was probably the department with the most discreet rooms in it and nobody would mind if they borrowed one. By this time, they were both feeling rather inspired by the scenes they had witnessed, and they were eager to get on with it. They knocked on the doors until it was opened by Nurse Mirrad.
"Hello," said Neshomeh.
"Can we borrow a room?" Barid asked.
"I'm afraid that is not possible," the Minbari replied. "We are rather... busy... in here at the moment."
At this time, they noticed that he was not wearing his usual robes, and one sock was missing. For a Minbari, this is an advanced state of undress requiring at least three hours of ritual.
As if to confirm their suspicions, a green tendril worked its way elegantly around Mirrad's middle and pulled him inexorably back toward the department's interior.
Come, Mirrad, a husky, feminine voice intoned. We are all waiting for you.
"I didn't know he wore a bowler hat," Barid remarked as the doors shut firmly.
"He doesn't," said Neshomeh. "I can only think of one... oh, my." She broke off, blushing. "Well, we figured it had to happen sometime..."
They tried the pool next, but found that BattleHamster and Honu_Wahine were already using the water slide to great effect. The nearby locker room was occupied by the whole of the All-HQ Indoor Rules Quidditch League (though the pair was rather puzzled by how Lux could be in there, having been giving lessons in the Escher room less than ten minutes ago), so that was right out. In DoSAT they were confronted with the very odd sight of Piph enjoying herself thoroughly with robot!Piph.
"Day-um," said Barid. "I didn't know robot!Piph had those kinds of attachments."
In desperation, they tried the SO's office, but the Sunflower was unwilling to give up his desk, which was covered in yellow roses.
"Good grief!" Neshomeh exclaimed in frustration. "We should've known better than to try this in HQ. We want somewhere UNoccupied, so everywhere we go, someone is there!"
Barid nodded. "Okay. So. We have to think of someplace no one in their right mind--scratch that--where no one EVER would willingly have sex."
They looked at each other. "Kitchen." They nodded.
They took off at a run, pausing at the Fountain of Bleepka in the hopes that imbibing some of its contents would help them navigate HQ more easily, but Laburnum and doctorlit were in the way. Enthusiastically.
When they finally got as far as the cafeteria, they regretted the lack of Bleepka even more, as Gen and Makari were doing unspeakable things on the cafeteria buffet. But they had become so desperate by this time that they passed the two women without a word, and finally found themselves inside the kitchen.
They looked around cautiously.
"I THINK we're alone," Neshomeh opined.
"Yup," said Barid. "Nobody over here, either."
They shared a massive sigh of relief and fell into each other's arms.
"You know, we always said we should never do this in the kitchen," Neshomeh said with a teasing grin.
"Well of course, but we were talking about OUR kitchen. This isn't," said Barid.
"Why are you still wearing pants?"
"Dunno. We should fix that."
And they did.