Darkotas looked at the devastation in his living room. "Tell me... again... how exactly this happened? Because I'm not sure my brain can cope."

"Well, it started with me and Penny having a little, y'know, heart to heart, and it got me to thinking-"

"Always a bad sign," the boy snarked.

"Hush, you, I'm expositing. Anyway, I had this brilliant idea for how to make things a little more, y'know, interesting for us. For both of us. So..."

-/--

The gears whirred into motion. Gleaming, burnished brass meshed and interlocked in perfect harmony. With the soft ticking of clockwork and the gentle hiss of steam, the task was done. Iximaz looked up from her work bench and grinned.

"W H A T I S Y O U R B I D D I N G M I S T R E S S ?"

"Hello, Penny," she replied, a husky edge to her voice. "Mistress, huh? Kinky."

"Y O U G A V E M E L I F E . Y O U G A V E M E D E S I R E S . Y O U G A V E M E A M I N D A N D A V O I C E A N D A L O V I N G H E A R T .
I C A N N O T T H I N K O F A B E T T E R T E R M F O R Y O U , M I S T R E S S .
S O O N C E M O R E I A S K - W H A T I S Y O U R B I D D I N G , M I S T R E S S ?"

"I - oh, Penny, I love you so much! Hold me, hold me and don't let go!"

"B Y Y O U R C O M M A N D M I S T R E S S ."

-/--

"After that, we snuggled for, like, forever, things got a little frisky - oh, don't make that face, you haven't seen what Penny can do - and, um..." Iximaz spread her arms. "This kinda happened."

"And, um, hate to insult your work or the steampunk AI you made out of a pencil, but... is she dangerous?"

"O N L Y I F Y O U H A V E B E E N A B A D D A R K O T A S .
H A V E Y O U B E E N A B A D D A R K O T A S ?"

"Oh, I rather think he has. He questioned my judgement in building you, and that won't ever do. Perhaps..." Iximaz looked at Darkotas, who nodded. "Perhaps a spanking will work the bugs out of his programming, so to speak?"

Penny grinned. "B Y Y O U R C O M M A N D ."