fanficWorld| HrnmsGrbrd -- Humour/Parody -- Posted: 24/09/2014 -- Updated: 29/09/2014 |
Author’s Note: I may like to do more chapters. The miracle of Harry instantly knowing the whole holy scripture by heart deserves a honorary mention, as well as unnecessarily prayparating to Hogwarts when they could just as well take the Gospel Express or the Enlighten Bus. I would like to ask how her husband prayperating dinner and breakfast makes Minerva a good housewife and to speculate about which plot we will get with Voldemort. Will he abandon all religion, or will he abandon freedom of religion to establish one religion to fit all? But in case Real Life continues to interfere, I remembered the good tradition of writing the epilogue first. If this follows chapter 1, please pretend that Hieronymus returned from the bathroom.
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"You know," said Hieronymus, "if the Uncanonical Department of Inaccuracies really existed, they should be sent in to replace some wrong words. To begin with, change Harry Potter to Gary Toddler, and make the Dursleys Lobelia and Herman Unbecome."
"What should we do with Dudley?" (A/N: If Dudley was not mentioned yet, ignore this question and the following answer.)
"Just remove the one line that mentions him? There’s no real reason why this should be there."
"And then send Gary to Pigfarts? That might be fun."
"Androia! Did you secretly watch A Very Potter Musical behind my back?"
"Of course not. I just extrapolated. Is this really a thing?"
"It is, and since it’s already taken, we can’t use Pigfarts, and we still need a new name for Hagrid."
(A/N: At the end of the second chapter, we still don’t know that Athena McGoodyshoes didn’t adopt her husband’s name and that Hippolyta Stranger is supposed to be their foster daughter. Since I don’t intend to include stage directions for every chapter this epilogue may be attached to, I decided to stop before we try to find new names for every character at school. Also, I ran out of names :-).)
"I would like Rufus Goodfellow," suggested Androia.
Hieronymus looked puzzled for a moment, but then let it slip to ask the more important question. "So you agree that this is original fiction and you can’t learn anything about Harry Potter from it?"
"What? No! I learn a lot from reading this. You tell me what is uncanonical, and then talk about canon and science and – are you aware that you talked more today than you did for the whole last week?"
This was the moment when the console made “Bip”, and the displayed chapter was replaced by a message.
Stop this nonsense now! Since you will be assigned to the Harry Potter Division, Agent Androia is required to know the original books. Whether this work of literary art you are reading instead, needs to be killed by the Department of Bad Parody’s Troll Division is still to be determined. We can assure you that we did excruciating research and found that the magic in Harry Potter is not of the Warcraftian arcane type. Return to your scheduled reading immediately!
"Well, you better don’t upset Upstairs," said Hieronymus, handing the book back to Androia.