A/N I am a big fan of Neshomeh's Agents. They are fun and interesting and Agent Ilraen is awesome because he is an Andilite and they are from the best series ever written. Neshomeh is awesome. I would like to shake that guys hand.
The lockdown was happening. The Megaviruses were all over the hq. In the RC #999 Agent Simon Supernumbery and Agent Ilraen Airline Feathergold were working out. "98 99 100" said Agent Simon who was doing pushups. Agent Ilraen was lifting weights near the closet. "How much longer will the lockdown be happening? It has been going on for weeks and I am getting bored." said Agent Ilraen. Agent Simon walked to his chair where his shirt was. When he put on the shirt his muscles made it hard to button. He said "Who knows. It could go on forever with the flowers in charge of the hq." Agent Simons voice was emotionless and musical. (I read once that he is half elf half vulcan. I think he is the kid of Spock and the guy from Lord of the Rings that was played by Agent Smith from the Matrix because that is who he looks like.) Agent Ilraen stopped lifting weights and said "Well what should we do while we are stuck in here?" Agent Simon looked up and raised one of his eyebrows because he had an idea about what they could do. He said "We could do sex to each other." Agent Ilraen looked at him for a minute and said "ok but I have a really good idea. I have been secretly getting the dna of everyone in the ppc so you can have sex with anyone in the ppc that you want to have sex with". Agent Simon thought for a minute and whispered into Agent Ilraens ear. Agent Ilraen then morphed from his blue centaur form into the form of a woman. Agent Ilraen had morphed into a naked Agent Jenny Robinson. Agent Ilraen said "come here Agent Simon". Agent Simon took his shirt off showing off his rippling muscles and then he took off his pants and went over to Agent Ilraen. They started having sex. They changed positions a couple of times. While they were having sex they did not hear the announcement that the lockdown was over. The real Agent Jenny walked in and saw herself having sex with Agent Simon and thought it was a good idea so she joined in. They all had sex with each other until Agent Ilraen had to turn back into an Andilite. (Because it would be really confusing to have two Agent Jennys in the ppc.) Agent Simon and Agent Jenny saw that Agent Ilraen was hung like a horse (he is part horse you know) and they thought it might be fun to have sex with him in his Andilite form so they took turns letting him have sex with them and they thought it was great. They kept doing it for a couple of hours and then they all went to sleep and Jenny moved in the next day and they all have sex all the time.
A/N Hope you liked it. Please Review!!!
One day in what might be considered July by some, Jenni Robinson knocked on the door to RC #999, smirking with uncommonly sadistic glee. The door swished open, revealing that Nume and Ilraen were at home.
<Hello, Jenni!> Ilraen said. <What brings you here?>
"What do you want?" Nume echoed from his desk chair. He raised an eyebrow at the printout in her hand. "What's that?"
"Seems you two have gained some notoriety," Jenni chirped. She handed Nume the printout. Ilraen peered at it over his shoulder. "I found it online. Fanfic Land."
"God damn it," Nume swore. "I'd like to give the idiot who thought that up a good smack. And the morons who take part..." Against his better judgement, he got past the author's note and on to the actual text. "Supernumbery? The hell?"
<They did not even attempt to spell my name right! That is not my name! Nor yours, either; look! ... Nume?>
Without warning, Nume had turned extremely pale. "That is my name," he muttered.
The other two exchanged glances. The temperature in the room had actually dropped several degrees.
"HOW THE HELL DID HE GET THAT INFORMATION?!" Nume exploded, throwing the paper to the floor and shooting to his feet. He rounded on Jenni. "Was it YOU, you goddamned meddler? Who told you?!"
"You mean that's actually your actual name?" Jenni spluttered. She burst out laughing. "Of all the crap in this fic... that's..." she was laughing too hard to enunciate.
Meanwhile, Ilraen picked up the sheet again out of curiosity, even though he probably should have known better, and read the rest of it.
<Uh, Nume? How does one "do sex" to another? Because in this fic, we-->
"WHAT?! Give me that!" He snatched it back and read it through, turning several interesting shades ranging from white to red to green. It was almost like Christmas.
"So what do you say, Simon?" Jenni asked, grinning wickedly. "You been secretly lusting after me all this time? You should have said something, you know, I'd be more than happy--"
"No! Jesus Christ, no! No! That's--I--not--you--GAH! And don't call me that!"
<I am not really half horse,> Ilraen complained quietly. However, one of his eyes wandered slowly backward and downward. This did not go unnoticed.
"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! This does not bear thinking about! In fact, I'm neuralyzing all of us, right now. This NEVER HAPPENED."
"Well, that's my cue--bye!" Jenni beat a hasty retreat, printout in hand. Entertainment for the day, check.
"Jesus f****** Christ... All right, Ilraen, get over here."
"Yes, really! You thought I was kidding? Hold still."
And thus, the badfic horror was no more.
Nume and Ilraen continued their existence, blissfully unaware that anything unusual had transpired. Ilraen is still a virgin. Nume is still a prude.
Jenni has the printout taped to the wall in her office, no doubt for the occasional laugh at the end of a hard day. Since nobody ever goes in there, Nume's secret is safe... for now.
Neshomeh is not a guy.