A/n: kk so like i said on my porfile iv'e matured alot as a wirter these patlst few years.. I wont' be deliting the old Jaycacia sotries but I wantto make them mor groundes from now no. Also myg irlfriend betad thus so DONT' BE MEAN!!!

Um and the chaptre tittle dousn't mean content, but content, you gt it?

~

It all seemed like something of a bad dream.

She had died. She had discovered her mother (Jay) was not her mother, but PPC HQ was really her mother (or actually father). Her not-mother's love for her lover (the SO) had brought her back to life. She had killed her other mother (Acacia) and only been saved by the power of her lovers' love (her not-mother was also her lover then). She had become the Starflower, defeated the evil Sub Rosa and her Spies, and died again. She had been resurrected by Illian (not as the Starflower any more), and through Lux's black magickckck had been wrought pregnant with PPC HQ (the father was the SO). She had found out that Lux had maybe lied, and that her evil mother (Acacia) was actually the Avatar's baby with a badfic. She had failed to stop the Avatar getting pregnant, but then it was okay because they tied Acacia up and didn't let her out unless she agreed to be good. She had founded a PPC OFU, defeated the evil fangirls, and then shut the OFU down again because it wasn't needed any more.

Jaycacia Thornbyrd had never wanted any of that. She had just wanted to be the best agent in the PPC, and to have a nice loving family in which nobody tried to kill her (except Mary Sues of course). And now, finally... she could.

She had separated from her husband, the Sunflower Official. They still loved one another, but they had mutually agreed that the head of the PPC and his best agent probably shouldn't be in a relationship - it didn't set the right example. Similarly, while she still loved Jay, it had mellowed into something close to what they had originally had: the love of a daughter for her mother, in action if not in blood. They lived together in Jay's Response Center, Room F - with Jay's partner, Acacia Byrd.

Yes, Acacia, the Department of Fictional Psychology's greatest triumph. Somehow, the psychologists had managed to draw out all her evil, malevolence, nastiness, and wickedness and transfer it to a pumpkin. The pumpkin, glowing purple-black and vibrating with rage, was placed in a steel box and buried in the BBQ Courtyard; Acacia was sent back to her RC. She still wasn't nice - what, were they going to take the pumpkin's niceness and put it into her? - but she was... tolerable. Like a big sister going through her Goth Grump phase, Jaycacia often thought.

Jaycacia had very little work to do, for the SO had agreed that her great powers should only be employed for really bad fanfic. Most of the time, she was able to wander around the city in Caledonia, gazing up at the snow-capped mountains and eating haggis to the sound of bagpipes. When that grew tiring (as bagpipes will), she was able to retreat into the cool, quiet corridors of PPC HQ. The spirit that inhabited the vast building, her child-parent, didn't often speak to her, but she felt comforted by the knowledge of its presence.

For the first time in forever, Jaycacia Thornbyrd was... content.

Acacia Byrd didn't look round. "The PPC... they've got a fire-themed department now, haven't they?"

"All right, yes, she's back." Jay pulled a sheet of paper out of her pocket. She kept her eyes on it as she unfolded it, avoiding Acacia's gaze. "But it's not as bad as normal."

Acacia grimaced, and reached out to pluck the page from Jay's compulsively-smoothing fingers. "That depends on exactly how bad it is..."

ExtraRingwraith: Thanksi! I don't know what to say - I just sort of keep wrinig lol

K1tk@t: jokes on you Ii dont' even know what illatics ar

Lou Carolina: yea thats' how I'm tryni to write her. she was a lot more ummmmm overthe sin myoelder stowires, but now she's mellowcholic (+ hi Louise!!!)

Lilith Wydenbrooke: I bet FicPsyng have a whole ROOOM full of evil psumypingsfowmr when they've fixe dall the ppl who need it. I mean they managed to pfix ACACACIA, righit???

AN: don't really have minuch to say in an AN excpent that I hope Isee all on my old friends on here soon!!

Chapter 2: Friendly

On a certain day, Jaycacia wandered into the bar named Rudi's (the name was ironic, because the barkeeper was really rude). There was a Cluedo competition going on, but she didn't join in - not because she was too good (she was very good, but not the best at Cluedo), but because she was there to meet her friends. And there they were, sitting around the table waiting for her:

Aurora E. Lorra, with her hair still dyed dark red-brown/restored to its natural blonde (A/N: brandy, let meknow) and her eyes almost as blue as Jaycacia's.

Jessaminthe Evenstar, the black-and-gold-haired daughter of Arwen whose eyes were the colour of the sunset on the sea.

& Tallulah Greensleeves, Legolas' sister who grew up with Frodo and Sam and had (A/N need to check this) hair and beautiful (A/N needt o check this too) eyes.

"Jaycacia!" exclaimed Aurora. "How lovely to see you! Look, I got you a drink."

Jaycacia smiled and took her seat next to Aurora. "Thank you, my friend," she said, drinking the drink (non-alcoholic of course). "It has been such a long time since I've seen you all."

"Such a very long time," agreed Tallulah. She was sitting with her arm around Jessaminthe, even though Jessaminthe was married to Supernumberary, because they were really old friends and even marriage shouldn't get in the way of friends expressing their deep and true love for each other. "I think the last time was just after you closed down Tofu Hop and invited me and Jessaminthe to live in HQ."

"And so much has changed since then," Jaycacia agreed. "You must have heard that I separated from the SO, even though I still love him."

"I heard," Jessaminthe said, snuggling in against Tallulah's side and giving Jaycacia a sympathetic look. "I hope it wasn't because you didn't think you could be in love with two people at once, because you definitely can."

"No," sighed Jaycacia, looking longingly at their embrace, "because I've also separated from Jay."

"Then who is your partner now?" asked Aurora. "Obviously I mean partner romantically, not partner like in the PPC, though I assume they are in the PPC."

"That's the problem," sighed Jaycacia again. "They're not in the PPC because I don't have a partner."

"Oh no!" cried Tallulah and Jessaminthe. "We will have to help you find one!"

Jaycacia's heart swelled with affection. "Oh, my friends!" she said. "That would be the kindest thing anyone has ever done!"

Acacia raised her head over the creased sheet of paper and glared at Jay.

"This..." Acacia gripped the story in both hands as if she wanted to crumple it up and tear it to shreds at the same time. "This is dire."

"I mean, maybe." Jay shrugged. "But it's not as bad."

"Yes, like cheese." Acacia shook her head and tapped the page. "She's talking about romance to a pack of Suvians. Mark my words, it'll be orgies all round before this is over."

EllieMae: THanks! I'll put that in when I can workh out how o edit lol. I LOVVVE Lord of thri Rings too! Thaits#s why Tallulah is from there!

Lilith Wydenbrooke (long name lol): hmm. Hmm. HMMMMMMMM>

A/N: kk so I forgot to say that Aurora + Jessaminthe are brandy and MrsSupernumerary's. They're Jaycacia's best fiends + I know theoy won't mind me borrowing them (but let moe know if thers a prerlbme!) Ummm and the OFUUU comes formw the Space Wars, hope someone finsised that soon (or I might have too!!)

Chapter 3: Charming

The portal closed behind Jaycacia, sparkling away into darkness. When she got back to her RC she had found a message from the Sunflower Official, asking her to take a very important message to the OFUUU.

"Um," she asked him, "what's the OFUUU?"

They are the OFU Universities Union, replied the SO (through the console obviously, he wasn't in her RC because they were separated), "and this is a very important message to the Administrator in charge."

"Oh okay," said Jaycacia, and that was how she came to be stepping through the portal, which sparkled away into darkness behind her.

She was standing in front of what looked like a modern university, EXCEPT that it was half built by elves and half by orcs and half by dwarves, and also Gondor was right there behind it. Jaycacia smiled, breathing in the nice air of Middle-earth. She had attended OFUM herself once, but only for a few months weeks, as part of her training to run Tofu Hop. Now she was back.

As she walked towards the university, Jaycacia waved at mini-Balrogs circling in the air above her. Most of them liked her, but there were a few who were grumpy and roared; but even those ones liked her, because she gave them raw bacon and eggs. She went in through the big front door/gate thing and called to the nearest person she saw.

"Hello!" she said. "I'm from the PPC. Can you tell me where to find the Administrator?"

The person stopped. She was a tall elf with long hair as dark as midnight, and eyes that were silver and mithril at the same time. "Hello!" she said. "Do you mean the headmaster?"

"Ummm..." Jaycacia looked at the message from the SO, which said 'Administrator'. "I don't think so; I have a message for the Administrator of the OFUUU."

"Well, that's good," said the person, "because I'm a 12th year student here at OFUM and I still don't know who the headmaster is!"

Jaycacia looked at the person. She was very beautiful and also seemed wise and funny (because Jaycacia knew that looks aren't everything), and her heart went out towards her. "That's a lot of years to be a student," she said. "Are you... Lina Holling?"

The person laughed lightly. "No!" she said, "but she's probably the only student who's been here longer than me."

"Yes," Jaycacia agreed, "because she is Gimli's girlfriend (we know about that in the PPC)."

"Well, I used to be Legolas' girlfriend," said the person, "but I have recently broken up with him because-" She stopped, and wiped a tear from her eye. "Nevermind. But it means my time is all yours."

"Um," said Jaycacia, hardly daring to hope, "do you just mean to help me find the Administrator? Also, I am Jaycacia Thornbyrd; what's your name?"

"I can certainly do that too," said the person. "And wow! We've heard of you here; I've always thought you sounded really cool. It's lovely to meet you. My name... is Lilith Wydenbrooke."

"You see? She's wrecking OFUM as well as the PPC. I knew she couldn't change."

"The minis like her," Acacia said flatly. "They don't like anyone."

"She's lulling us into a false sense of security," Acacia said firmly. "Just you wait. The moment we're sufficiently lulled... bang, orgies all round."