Ellie Mae Rosebud was happer than shed ever been. She had a cool new gf (thalia) an a sorta boyfriend cause like Doomie wasn’t very good at commincatin. But she wanted sometin more. Ellie tossed her beatiful golden curly locks an blinked her violet silver blue orbs at the tots gorgeous woman wakling down the hall. Teh woman was tall and skinny but also curvy in all teh right places. She had a shiney ebony sheet off hair an violet orbs an really big bobs.

Zara scanned the paper idly, her eyes flicking over the misspelled words and terrible punctuation. “What’s it with badfic authors and using the word “orbs” to describe someone’s eye?”

Diamond looked up from her book. “I would presume a lack of vocabulary, or perhaps the desire to look more sophisticated than the thirteen year old fangirls most of them are.”

“Or maybe our eyes are just spinning orbs that can’t look past manmade structures into the veil of eternal darkness that surrounds our world.”

“What?”

Zara stopped her Evil Illuminati Overlord ™ face—which actually only made her look rather constipated—and stared at her partner. “The alien overlords cover Britain with a veil of eternal darkness.”

There was a long silence before the vampire carefully put down her book and folded her hands in her lap. “Mortal, there is this thing known as therapy. Please consider it.” She picked her book back up, adding yet another snarky comment to her litany of them. “Also, I’m sure that veil only exists to shield the rest of the world from crazy Brummy mortals with a Bleepette addiction.”

“Hey!”

Hi!” said Ellie to teh tots hot woman. I’m Ellie. What’s ur name? Teh woman stopped walking, her long scarlet skirt with a slit up the side swahing around her long creamy legs. I’m Diamond she said in a sexy alurring voice.

“WHAT?!!” Something resembling a very high pitched pterodactyl scream echoed up and down the corridors of HQ.

“WAHAHAHAHA!” The maniacal cackling that followed moments later did not do anything to ease the nerves of any agents cowering from the first scream.

Ellie swished her hips ina sexy manner. Ur super hott an prety. Wanna have teh sexy times with me? Diamodn (Authors Note tat name is super long so im gonna call her Dia) adjusted her sparkly onyx corset (i copeid tat of google search!) so her big bobs jiggle-jiggled nd noded. Like yeah, tots.

Bella snuffed at her owner as the young woman slumped to the ground laughing hysterically.

“JIGGLE-JIGGLED! HAHAHAHA!”

Diamond’s facial expression was hard to determine. Anger, horror, shock, and disgust make for a very interesting series of facial expressions.

“…She will die.”

Auhors Note!! Like omg im so exicted to finally get tis up!!!!1 isn’t Ellie Mae asesome?!! Shes like so kawaii! And im super excited to write a smut for like her and Dia!

Ellie lead Dia back to her RC. Dia carfully unlaced her onhx corset and…

Zara stopped and skimmed the next paragraph. “No offense, Dia, but a detailed description of your chest wasn’t in my top ten list to read.” She paused for a second. “That is, a badly written description…”

Luckily, Zara had gotten lots of practice at dodging flying objects.

“Rude.” She dusted herself off and with some effort, pulled the clipboard out of the wall. “Anyway, where was I…”

Ellie sloly removed her hott pink crop top an unhooked herr hot pink bra. Whatcha think baby? she asked Dia. Am I sexy?

“NO!”

Zara looked up at her partner, whose teeth were clenched in a snarl. Honestly, this was the most pissed off she’d seen her since that smut with Aragorn, Boromir, and the fairy!Sue.

Dia noded her head, her super silky ebony locks fly8ng aorudn her delicate face. Ur beautful honey. She slide of her red skirt revealing hee black lacy thong.

“Um, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say you’ve never worn a thong in your life,” said Zara, staring at the words. “I mean, I guess the whole constant wedgie thing matters less if you’re made out of stone, but still.”

“You would be correct, mortal, not that it’s any of your business.” Diamond looked ready to blow a gasket. Not that Zara could blame her.

Elllie knelt at her foot…

“Foot? Just one?” Zara ducked yet another flying object and continued.

And liked her prefect plump red lips. Ill give u a great time she said hottly.

There was a pause as Zara tried to figure out how someone could say something “hotly”.

Dia nodded. Ravish me! she cried an Ellie Mae…

“HAHAHAHAA!” Zara collapsed laughing once again while her partner went the closest shade to red a Twipire can.

“This is vile filth! I would never… I don’t even like females in that manner!” The vampire drew herself up to her full height, trembling with indignation. “How dare she!”

“Welcome back to another episode of Things No One Actually Says When Having Sex,” Zara quipped, hauling herself back onto the bed.

Ellie Mae used her figers to…

The reading was once more interrupted by Zara bursting into hysterical cackling.

Diamond glared absolute daggers at her and wished that this humiliation would end. Unfortunately for Diamond, EllieMae (the author) seemed to have only just started.

Delicate tongue… fingers thursting… crys of joy… desperate whines… legs flyin…

“Whoa, legs flying?” Zara sniggered, pausing in her endeavor of skimming… and reading choice phrases aloud. “Is this sex or a horror movie? Ow!” She rubbed the rapidly rising lump on the top of her head. “That was unnecessary!”

Her partner glared at her some more for dramatic effect. “It most certainly was not. This story is unnecessary and whoever wrote it deserves to be burned in acid.”

Teh 2 collaspsed panting on th bed. A single crystalline tear ren down Ellie’s porcelim cheek. I love u Dia… Teh vampire ran 1 icy finger down her colarbkne. I love u to… Suddenlt the door opened wit a bang! WHAT ARE U DOING U DOING U MOTHERFUKERS! It was……………… Zara!

Zara’s laughing ceased abruptly. “Aw shit…”

Auhtors Note! Like omg wasnt that super hott and kawaii and cute?!! I luvvvvvvvv writing smut!! What wil happen next? Will zara be meen or will she join teh fun? Find out!

Auhtors note! Like omg Ive gotten so far!!!!1 I love tis chaopter!! I aslo borowed nikki heheh cause like shes so sexy!!

Ellie looked at teh gurl in the doorway. She was tall an thin like a willow…

Zara paused and took a deep breath before continuing to read—having to speak rather loudly over the strains of Scotland the Brave. (The song choice was for her ancestors, she’d explained to Diamond. And of course for her fellow blue collar Brummies.)

Her hair was like a luvicious waterfall of chenut an it fall ariund her small delicate face. Her emerald eyes blinked at tem as she pursed rosebud lips. She placed one thin but strong hand on her tots curvey hip and adjusted her tiny black top over her big bobs—ack!

Zara choked on the last line and chucked the papers at Diamond.

The vampire caught them with ease. “I must say, that was the most inaccurate description yet… and please stop banging your head against the wall. You’re already insane: I don’t need you getting worse.”

Her partner paused. “But if I’m already barmy, how can I get worse?”

“You’d knock more sense out of your head.” Diamond crossed her arms. “It makes perfect sense if you think about it.”

“No it doesn’t.”

Like seriously tho what are u doing? Zara said in her sexy posh Surrey accent

(This part has been redacted for bad language and questions about the author’s ancestors, their mothers, their education, and the state of their bowels. Diamond and Zara agreed it would detract from the story, although Zara would like to make it very clear she is neither posh nor a Southerner.)

We’r havin teh sexy times said Ellie. Wanna join? Maybe said Zara, pating teh head of her pet bear. The bear was fluffy an pink with sparkly sapphire eys and it was like super small for a bear. Ellie thought it was tots adorbs.

“Nooooo!” Bella howled, looking as insulted as a mutated bear can get.

There was a tiny wheezing sound and Diamond looked over at her partner, whose mouth was agape and who appeared to be mouthing the words “fluffy and pink.”

The bear poked her with a long claw, which successfully snapped her out of it.

Can Nikki join? Zara asked dragging teh girl behind her foward. Sure said Ellie looking at Nikki’s curvy but also skinny body an her long shiny magenta hair (Auothrs Note I know Nikki doesnt have magenta hair but like its a story!!! she died it ok?)

“Nikki?”

“Isn’t she retired? Which half-soaked bint is writing this trash?”

Nikki gigled shyly and waved at tem. Ellie pulled teh girls into teh room. Come on she said. lets have some fun. Ellie careesed Zara’s lether clad body while Dias delicate white hands ran all over nikki. Like omg this is awesome siad Nikki. Ur like so pretty. She ran her delicate yet strong hands trough dia’s ebony watefall. how are you so goergus an so powerful all at once?

“This story makes me sound like a sex-addled Mary Sue,” Diamond growled, twisting the fabric of her skirt in between her fingers.

“I mean… that last bit made some sense,” said Zara, scanning the paper from over Diamond’s shoulder. “It’s a pretty accurate description of a sparklepire… ow!”

Dia then put her her thing in (cause she has one haters) in nikkis u know what…

The real Diamond hurled the papers back at Zara and ran to the bathroom, gagging most impressively for someone who couldn’t throw up.

Zara skimmed the next paragraph and the hallway once again resounded with evil cackling.

Auothors Note! Do u like it so far? I like had to put in a my immortal refencd cause like tat’s the best fanfic ever written!!!1 i luv nikki and ellie and zara and dia so much! theyre so cool and sexy