fanficWorld| doctorditz -- General -- Posted: 24/09/2013 -- Updated: 30/09/2013 |
Krisstopher opened a portal into the Goblin Town, and activated the Somebody Else's Problem Field to keep the goblins from seeing her. The goblins were singing their theme song, and due to my disappointment at the amount of singing in Peter Jackson's The Hobbit, the lyrics will now be reproduced in their entirety.
And you damn well better sing along out loud.
Swish, smack! Whip crack!
Smash, grab! Pinch, nab!
You go, my lad!
Ho, ho! my lad!
The black crack! the back crack!
The black crack! the back crack!
Down down to Goblin-town
Down down to Goblin-town
Down down to Goblin-town
You go, my lad!
Ho, ho! my lad!
Goblins quaff, and Goblins beat
Goblins laugh, and Goblins bleat
Batter, jabber, whip, and taver hoooooo!
Below, my lad!
Ho, ho! my lad!
The black crack! the back crack!
The black crack! the back crack!
Down down to Goblin-town
Down down to Goblin-town
Down down to Goblin-town
You go, my lad!
Ho, ho! my lad!
As the goblins sang, Krisstopher wandered deeper and deeper into the caves, until she reached Gollum's lair on the underground lake. Gollum was committing an act of violence against a goblin, just as the Mirror of Galadriel foretold. Krisstopher watched Bilbo pick up the One Ring and then approach Gollum.
While the canons riddled each other, Krisstopher gazed up at the ceiling, where the Mirror had shown the keyhole. But everything was still dark.
"A poisoned arrow?" guessed Bilbo.
"No, my Precious, but close!"
"A venomous serpent?"
"Oh, almost!"
"A giant Heartless!"
"No, no, my Precious! You're getting colder again!"
"No, I mean there's a giant Heartless behind you!"
Gollum and Krisstopher both turned to see a gigantic fish-like Heartless rising out of the water. It had a sharp shark mouth and needle-pointed fins.
Gollum's eyes looked even bigger in his head. "Dear sweet Eru in the Timeless Halls." He licked his lips gratuitously. "We are eating WELL tonight my Prcious, yes!"
Krisstopher leaped at the Heartless but it heaved its fat body out of the water and then splashed back down, knocking her back onto Gollum's island with a great big wave!
Gollum launched himself at the Heartless, latching on to its scales and lowering his mouth to its flesh.
Krisstopher turned white. "That's, uh . . . that's not the appropriate way to battle a Heartless."
But Gollum had already eaten his way inside and couldn't hear. The monster began to flail, the raced around through the water frantically for a few seconds. It eventually crashed into the island and laid still.
A bulge appeared at the top of the Heartless' head just before Gollum ate his way out of it. He gave the hobbit and the agent a wide, red grin.
"Well," said Bilbo as he dropped the One Ring and all his travelling gear on the ground. "I think I've seen quite enough of what goes on outside the Shire. I'm going home."
As Bilbo searched for the cave's exit and Gollum started making horrible slurping noises, the keyhole appeared, shining down from the roof. Krisstopher half-heartedly summoned her keyblade and aimed it at the keyhole, closing it with a beam of light.
Then she used it again, trying to ignore the munching sounds behind her while she opened a portal directly to the Department of Fictional Psychology.