Author: Burning Watier
EPC: Gehenna
Published: 2010/07/13
Summary:,/br> You've all heard how the PPC ended. Now is the EPC's turn.

Disclaimer: Everything that belongs to another author isn't mine.

Author's Note: This is a sequel to my fic PPC: Time of Judgement.

Hacked Author's Note: Beware! This abomination contains a lot of Ass Pulls, OOCness, Dethroning Moments of Suck and overt Canon Defilement of a variety never before seen. You have been warned.

Prologue: The Emperor's final hour.

The EPC HQ was in a state of revelry. The SE was going forth to war himself for the first time in so many centuries, prodded by his new allies, the New Multiverse Government. The greatest smiths from the reaches of his suefied Multiverse had been called to his side to produce arms and armour for what could be his greatest battle. So far, they have created a green mask made of sueified steel, four great wings made from the same material, and mithril armour studded with emeralds. He held four Masamunes in his four hands, for he had decided long ago that more limbs meant an extra edge in a fight.

Thousands upon thousands of Sues and Stus danced in revelry, wearing scanty but colourful costumes. The NMG plenipotentiary wearing dour corporate clothes seemed like an eyesore to them, but they knew that even with his plain drabness, he was still high in the favour of their lord. After what seemed several hours, a portal opened, and the final components of the Sunflower Emperor's regalia were revealed: leggings made from Balrog Leather that were set with rubies and orange topaz to complement the flames.

Perfect, the Sunflower Emperor said. Thanks to the arms and armour you made me, I now have enough power to squash the last remnants of my opposition in that bothersome parallel universe. You will be well rewarded, along with the emissary from the NMG that roused me to this action. The great plant stood up, and walked over to the unfazed plenipotentiary, who was fiddling with a suitcase that he held. He then brought out one of his Masamunes from its sheath, and touched the diplomat's shoulder lightly.

I dub you...second-in-command in the Mysterious Somebody's place! The assembled Suvians cheered in applause, while the aforementioned Mysterious Somebody fumed quietly in a corner. The NMG operative just bowed, while another portal, this time to the crystal Star Destroyer and Nebulon-B frigates which he would use for the attack, opened. The SE and about half of the assorted Sues and Stus on the floor then went towards it in perfect military order. Once they were gone, the mood quickly darkened.

"Tsk tsk tsk..." said the Mysterious Somebody. "You've really overstretched your hand this time, plenipotentiary. An increase of recklessness in the SE was something I can tolerate, a decrease of intelligence even more so, but having he replace me with you even though you have no support in this Multiverse other than what he's given? Just before it was cut off from you? What are you planning?"

"Death. You will die here today, along with the organization that you craved control of. We have imposed our own version of your origins upon this Multiverse, and we have adorned it with traps that your hubris-tainted brain cannot perceive. From my suitcase...I unleash the Withering!" Said suitcase then opened, unleashing a storm of gray moths upon the throng. The Mysterious Somebody's extremities began to turn grey, falling apart into fine dust.

A few moments later, the same thing happened to the other Sues and Stus. The NMG operative just smiled as the Mysterious Somebody, unable to use his Force Powers, died. Everyone else in the room except him did so as well. The malady spread through the EPC HQ, and its panicking inhabitants fled to the wider Multiverse, infecting every Suvian they came across. With every death from the Withering, energy reverberated. And the energy awoke beings that, in the EPC's retconned history, were buried in hidden tombs to increase the Sunflower Emperor's power.

The Suetelluvians' time has come.
Chapter One: A New World Rises

Disclaimer: Anything that can be attributed to another author belongs to another author.

Captain Bigs Darkligther (AN: Totally not stolen I swear!) paced along his Magitek ship, the New Momergil, in agitation. The New Multiverse Government's counterpart in this Multiverse, the New Multiverse Patriots, had managed to combine the resources of several worlds in an act of defiance against the EPC, attempting to rally opposition to it. In response, the NMG had sent his ship and a great fleet accompanied with several superweapons, most of them with the ability to depopulate galaxies several times over or worse. He had substantial ground forces with him as well, billions upon billions of Zerg and Tyraninds enclosed in a pocket dimension.

His mission was to help the EPC subdue the rebels, then betray them once the Withering had started, taking the worlds for the NMG and extracting as much money, pleasure, and energy from them. He had other ideas, however. There were many ‘closet idealists' in the NMG forces, people who believed that the purpose of the organization should be to unite the resources, technology, skills, and energies of the various worlds of the Multiverse in an attempt to increase the sum of happiness for all sentient beings. He was one of them.

"Have the failsafes been disabled, Alvin?"

"Yes, Captain. How goes the secret transmissions?"

"They're going well. Diplomatic officers Thor and Anja have managed to get them to agree to a joint attack on the EPC Fleet we're supposed to reinforce just as soon as we get to their location. Which should be about-"

They emerged into realspace, where the EPC Fleet was hovering above a beautiful green world. The explosions began almost immediately. The New Momergil began shooting machine incapacitation beams at the best ships, in order to secure as much war material for their future rebellion.

After the quick victory, he met with his counterparts from the NMP, Admirals Lorena and Sylvester.

"That went too well", said Lorena, brushing aside her brown hair to get it out of the way. "Is it that Withering thing?"

"I think so", said Sylvester, a thoughtful look in his eyes. "The Boarding Parties we sent to the ships found only mounds of dust inside, explaining the lack of opposition and corroborating what Captain Bigs said about the retconned history."

"I still don't like it. Maybe our good defector has something to say?"

"Merely this: I share your suspicions about this battle. My former superiors shouldn't be this easy to dupe. They're genre savvy enough to place a trap when we least expect it and-"

Suddenly, a light shone out from the planet's surface. A brown beam of light that brought a feeling of disgust to all that looked upon it, bringing memories of the most disgusting things they ever saw into the forefront.

A light that in the retconned history imposed upon the Mirror Multiverse, represented the first of the Suetelluvians: Celebrian.



Ground cameras focused on the planet would have recorded a gigantic tomb opening up in the northern hemisphere, where a shape that looked like the infamous Character Replacement can be seen in the cloud of mist-at least they thought it was mist- that emanated from the doors. Giant black sticks with legs began swarming out of the structure, transforming the region into a disgusting hellscape that would have done Slaneesh proud.

The oceans and rivers turned into bodily fluids unmentionable in polite conversation, the forests assumed shapes that the mind instantly blocked out, the animals received unrealistically large body parts while the sentients were turned into orcs to join the Suetelluvian's existing retinue. Worst of all, however, was that the largest of all the black sticks were able to fly up into the air, with every indication that they intended to reach the ships orbiting above them.

Captain Bigs hesitated for a moment, then said: "Fire!"
Chapter Two: Another Character, Another Hogwarts.

Disclaimer: The EPC, My Immortal, and the World of Darkness do not belong to me.

As the New Multiverse Patriots fought Celebrian, the Chamber of Secrets opened in Hogwarts, unleashing the second Suetelluvian imprisoned to increase the Sunflower Emperor's power: Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Over the years of the retconned history, her glittery blood has been used to create Goff!Sues that spread the Theme Park version of Gothicness and Satanism (frequently misspelled into Stanism or Santanism) throughout the Multiverse.

The EPC Agent B'loody Mary, who had betrayed her mistress out of love (some would say lust) for the Sunflower Emperor; led an army of Preps against the awakened entity. They unleashed a storm of Fan-made spells at it, formed from years of research into the powers offered by Glitter. The Methsuleah called upon spells from outside her own universe, creating walls of sunlight and fire against her former master.

Not once did she think of using steak and crosses.

The Suetelluvian lifted up her "Blak" Wand, and said: "Avcara Kedabra!"

A green beam of light came from the wand, and all of the Prep!Sues died.

"How could U bertay mi B'loody Mary!"

"I'm sorry! I was in love and-"

"Luv with a PREP!!!!!" she roared sexily.

The Suetelluvian lifted up her slit wrist, and did a spell.

Snape and Lupin, once hot Lust Objects embraced by the fandom, became the preppy pedos that they were intended to be. They apperated into the Chamber, drooling.

"POt Her in Bondage1!" she said, just as she began to remove her former servant's power.

B'loody Mary screamed, just as the Snap and Loopin drew close to her, evil looks in their faces.

Ebony laughed sadistically. "Haha. Now if u wilt exceuse me, I will asemillate all the Poser Maru Sues and Stus cre8ted with mine glitter."

Then she left just as Snap and Loopin got out the camera and began Masticating.
Chapter Three: Battle for Arda.

Disclaimer: You all know that I don't own LOTR, Celebrian, and Laura.

Celebrian sat on top of an immense 'Black Stick', feeling something other than lust in her heart, hate. The ancient Sunflower Emperor and her treacherous Methsuleahs had placed her on another planet, exiling her from the Misty Mountains that she so loved. It was not only an act of spite, but also a way to strengthen her rival, one of the few Sues in her world to match her power.

Laura. She must have awakened by now, as the Withering reverbrated through the EPC's ranks. The hate between them was strong, enough to force the other Sues and Stus to call upon the Sunflower Emperor to entomb them. Even their loyal Methsuleahs had abandoned them, telling them to "f*** off", and not literally.

But now, the Loli had Arda all to herself, and had gotten rid of the remnants of the NMG for her. How lucky. Her 'Black Stick' then impacted the planet's atmosphere, the sturdy warts attached to it withstanding the heat. After several hours of what seemed like hell, she finally landed near the Misty Mountains, where Laura and the Suvian!Fellowship were besieging the last of the orcs.

"You will not be live you eleven whore" said Laura without respect for spelling and grammar.

"I love being a whore!" Celebrian said. Her 'Black Stick' launched a stream of unsanitary fluids at the girl, but Suvian!Gandalf made a magic shield and kept Laura's group safe.

"U shoudnt have let those orcs live along with Sauron." Laura said. "Dey are raposts and should die." She used her 'power to distoy the bad guys' to blast Celebrian with orange fires, which failed to burn the Sue's naked body.

Celebrian laughed. More 'Black Sticks' landed around her enemies.

"I have always been smarter than you," she said.

Then she called forth her armies of OOC orcs, and the Laws of Badfic instantly incapacitated Laura in anticipation of an angsty capture and torment.

Celebrian did not plan to disappoint.
Chapter Four: Remnants of the EPC.

Disclaimer: Anything that can be attributed to another author, belongs to another author.

Jenna Silverblade finally had her man, Link. She had to wait several centuries trapped by her traitourous Methsuleahs and the SE, but she finally had him. Now they would be together forever,and no traitourous Methsuleah or Overpowered Flower would stop it. She-

A phaser beam ran through her, killing her instantly.

Marissa Picard, a Suetelluvian, but one loyal to the EPC and the Sunflower Emperor, smiled. The Tiger Lily stood beside her, along with several Suevian Agents.

"See, I still have it. Years of comfortable living have not dampened my skills."

None doubts that, but we need to be on our best figthing state in order to survive this.

"You worry too much. Let's move the supplies to her dreamworld, shall we?"

A portal opened, and several loaded trucks began to roll in. The Sues with the Tiger Lily began to unload a selection of building materials, foodstuffs, and weapons from them.

They began to erect a palace-like tent covered with (A/N: my computer does not have enough memory to contain the description) and the Tiger Lily made a throne appear using magic.

There, they began disscussing what moves to make against the Suetelluvians and the NMG, who were clearly the culprits.

"Firstly, we need to rebuild our strength. The Suetelluvians have little order to their rampage, so we must expect the NMG to be the prime source of organized opposition."

Yes. Those people have clearly made a habit of obsessively studying their enemies before attacking or negotiating with them. That said, it's not as if we don't know anything either. In fact, we can actually infer a few things about them.

"Like their corporate structure?"

Yes, Marissa. Exactly that. There is also a streak of pragmatism in their actions that we lack. It's like their Author-

"-Their Author! Of Course!"

If we can kill him, the NMG will at least lose a source of enhanced luck, and may have their sources of information diminished as a result.

"Indeed. Our plans to start a kingdom in secret pale before the rewards offered by that plan. After all, we're experienced warriors, and the Author's just a nerdy kid who spends his time hunched over on his computer."

Indeed. Let us open a portal to World One, and take all the Sues with us. If we have the element of surprise...

"Let's do it!" Marissa opened a portal, while the Tiger Lily called in her troops.

They may yet win the war.

Chapter Five: Another Hope Crushed.

Disclaimer: You know the drill.

Marissa and the Tiger Lily jumped out of the portal, their troops following behind them. The author's house was no fortress, being merely a standard suburban establishment, but it was better to be cautious. They marched in double rows across the front yard, guns at the ready. Then, they kicked the door down.


They found no one inside, even the author's parents, who would have made good hostages for them. They slowly walked up the stairs, guns still at the ready. They went up to the author's room, where they kicked the door again.


There, they found the author on his chair, facing them with a smile on his face.

"I knew you would come", he said. Then he held up a...Flamethrower!

Marissa opened fire with her phaser, only to have the beams collide with an energy shield that suddenly appeared around the author's chair. The Tiger Lily let loose with a barrage of Sueish lightning, but that also proved ineffective. The Author lifted up his flamethrower and let the energy shield fall.

Woosh! went the flames as they surged towards the Suetelluvian and the Flower. However, they did not reach the EPC's champions, as the Tiger Lily formed a wall of water in order to ward off the Author's attack. Marissa created a sword of pure glitter, and rushed her enemy, breaking the shield and cutting through the boy like a knife through butter.

That was too easy! screamed the Tiger Lily. He may have-


An explosion from behind them told of an attack on their legions, and they rushed down to find that-

-The author had several Exalted with him, just like in Keychain of Creation.

"Do you really think that you can defeat a being of my Genre Saviness? That you can just walk up to a writer who knows of your existance? Are you that stupid? Or could it be that I was more effective in writing you that you did not consider that I could suborn you?"

The Suetelluvian and the flower stared up in surprise.

"I tought so."

The Exalted that were with the author siezed Marissa and the Tiger Lily and held their arms in a vise-like grip.

"I think I'll make you watch the end of everything you once knew, just for the lulz." The the author walked to the center of what was once of the living room, and raised his arms in a gesture intended to be sorcerous.

"Herald the Beginning of the End, Penultimate Sutelluvian! Emerge from your tomb to avenge your consort, and destroy the ones that failed to protect him! Emerge in your awesomeness, Jayacacia Thornbyrd!"
Chapter Six: The Penultimate Suetelluvian.

Disclaimer: You know the drill.

In the center of the EPC HQ, Captain Dandy and the Sub Rosa were holding together the last remnants of their once great Departments, repelling attacks from Rouge Agents, NMG Space Marines, and forces from the risen Suetelluvians. The remnants of Legal had been withdrawn to what was once the SO's office, and were attempting to find a way to reverse their adverse fortunes. But time was running short, and nothing had been found yet.

We're going to die here, said the DES leader.

Have some hope. We can't be the only survivors of this organization.

Even so, we have no one but ourselves to aid in our endeavor.

Another NMG Space Marine rushed their defensive cordon, killing more Sues and Weeds. Captain Dandy began firing his Glitter rifle, his rounds causing the intruder's ceramite armour to be encrusted with pink crystals. Said pink crystals then exploded, fatally wounding the Space Marine.

But just as the NMG Marine let out his last breath, more of his kind came into view, bolters drawn.

Damn it! At this rate, we will never-

Suddenly, bright light shone from the former SE's office. The doors opened, and a replesendent woman in a bikini of Jade Leaves shaped like that of Maples and Oaks walked out. She wore a crown of laurels and hollies, transmuted into gold long ago by a wandering Alchemist.

She then drew a whip of (AN: My computer does not have enough memory for the description), and charged towards the NMG Marines.

Emboldened by her example, Captain Dandy and the Sub Rosa charged against their enemies, leading their remaining Suvians in a final sortie. With the Suetelluvian's help, they began to clear the former HQ, room by room and corridor by corridor. When the NMG and the rival Suetelluvians' forces had been driven out, Jayacacia stood in front of the two EPC officers, and said:

"Long ago, when the other Suetelluvians were jealous of me, my husband and my Methsuleahs chose to seal me away in the land of Avalon, where I would be kept safe until the Eternal Suvian Paradise was established."

"But I look around me and what do I see? My Husband dead, the EPC scattered, and my rivals in a greater state of power than ever before. Why have you let all of this fall into ruin? Why?"

Captain Dandy and Sub Rosa pointed their leaves at each other in postures of accusation.

"So I see. You continue to shift the blame for this even now. That cannot be allowed."

Jayacacia raised up her arms, and the two Flowers were deleted from the story, along with all of their followers.

"Farewell, place that I once knew. I will now retreat into Avalon once again, not to wait until another battle comes, but to grieve forever until the end of time." And so with a single tear trailing down her beautiful place, Jayacacia left the Mirror Multiverse, never to return.

A/N: I'm sorry JayBird!
Chapter Seven: Overview of the Apocalypse.

Disclaimer: I do not own what belongs to other authors.

The Suetelluvian Celebrian's victory over her hated rival Laura was only a prelude to a new period of strife between the ancient beings of Glitter. Now that the EPC had been defeated and the NMG was still amassing their forces in preparation for an attack on their Multiverse (as for the NMP, there was yet no word of them after the battle near Celebrian's tomb), they were now free to contest the rule of the Mirror Multiverse between them. New Sueish servants,created with the smallest fraction of their glitter, were sent as proxies to fight graphic battles for their ancient masters and mistresses.

It was Celebrian and Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way who fought the hardest battle, however. Ebony's bad spelling and the fact that her source fic had more reviews than hers were utterly unforgivable offences for the elf, while the goff considered everything with pointy ears 'preppy'.

The portals between what was once the LOTR and HP worlds were strained to the limit, as armies of Orcs and other animals with absurdly big parts were sent in bulk, only to be killed by powerful fan-made spells that surged through the openings between the dimensions and impacted their staging grounds, including the palace of the Suetelluvian Elleth.

Depraved Imagination against Depraved Imagination. Canon Defilement versus Canon Defilment. The two Primal Sues were evenly matched, each unable to break the Impasse.

Then the Hacker who had sabotaged Ebony's source fic long ago secided to ally herself with Celebrian just to spite Ebony.

All the Fan-made spells ceased to function, and the Orcish armies surged through the portals. While the Goff!Sues and Stus who served Ebony still had guns, none of them had the firing rate needed to stem a Zerg Rush, even a non-literal one. The preps that were still in Suevian!Hogwarts debated on whether to rejoice in the downfall of their foes, until the orcs grabbed them and put them in bondage.

The Chamber of Secrets was the last to fall, with the Suetelluvian using the entrance as a chokepoint in a rare display of intelligence. But fall the place did,and Ebony, the Queen of Goffikness, was taken captive, screaming and swearing.

"... u u fukken prep!1 U will die!" But she was unable to do anything to free herself, and she was taken to her enemy's lair in the Misty Mountains.

There were three altars there. Two of them held the Suetelluvian Laura and the Hacker, who was double-crossed by Celebrian shortly after she turned off the Goffik fan-made spells. The third one was empty.

"Om y fudking Satan! Are you going to rad me?" said Ebony.

"Of course not. Such a thing is too good for you. No, I am going to sacrifice you, that girl, and the person I just double-crossed to awaken the greatest of the Suetelluvians, and be rewarded with stewardship of the Eternal Suvian Paradise!"

"NOOO11!!!!" Said Ebony with no regard for spelling and grammar.

Celebrian laughed...and took out some daggers!
Chapter Eight: The Final Hour.

Disclaimer: You know the drill.

Celebrian gutted out Laura first, then the Hacker and Ebony. She held up their hearts, and set them on fire with a nearby torch. The smoke then went up to the skies, and a portal began to open.

"I call you, Ensign Mary Sue. Creation of Paula Smith, come to this world, and bring the Eternal Suvian Paradise that is our destiny!"

From the portal, a girl which (AN: My computer does not have enough memory for the description)- flew down to Celebrian and said:

"You don't have any luck. I am a parody, just like my counterpart in the Prime Multiverse."

Celebrian rushed towards the entity she had summoned, rage instead of lust lining her face. But the now-revealed Parody!Suetelluvian flicked her away with one snap of a finger. Raising her head up to the sky, she spoke:

"There is only one rule for figthing the original Mary Sue. You Lose."

Then with another flick of a finger, she ended the Multiverse.

Makes-Things and Lyta repopulated their Multiverse and the Mirror one with their spawn. Some of them followed Canon, some of them followed Suedom. The NMG and the NMP turned out not to be dead after all, and began a battle of manipulations that spanned the next few generations. Fanfics still entered the two Multiverses, binding themselves to the bones of Canon and creating new life and opportunities. The fics that were closest to the Original Universes were valued,and kept sarcosanct as they may prove to be the seeds of a new, better Multiverse.

But underneath it all was still the Author, and he was now more powerful than any of his kind.

He may yet emerge again, as opportunities for power and pleasure blossom in the two Multiverses.

And on that ominous note, he leaves you.

Next year will be the debut of his next fic, PPC: Rebirth.

Epilouge two.

AN: Hello there! Anyway, here is a chapter of what happened to Marissa Picard and the Tiger Lily.

Disclaimer: I do not own the EPC or Marissa Picard.

"So, do you like what has happened?"

You have destroyed everything we created! How could we like it?

The Author grinned, and then began to dab more esscence of Character Drailment on the Tiger Lily's petals.

"We will never be your servants!" said Marissa. "It should be us that rule Canon, and only in a policy of strict defilement!"

"Policies suck. What gains you more power should be what you pursue, and sometimes protecting Canon is what profits you the most."


"Sometimes, heresy is what profits you." The Author then went to Marissa and began to dab more esscence of Character Derailment on her face. Then, he got out a bottle marked: Love Potion. He force-fed it to-

The Hacker: This is sick! From now on, I will automatically delete any updates to this fic. And would anyone care to review this? Especially this bastard's enemies.

Burning Watier
[Chapter 5] Yeah, I know.
Lady Cyskia
[Chapter 5] WOW u rite lyk SOOOO much!