[Chapter 1] YOU SUCK!!!
Those people last year were right to flame you! You honestly, truly can't write. You're absolutely awful at this. I don't know why you even bother. Please take your terrible, retarded crap elsewhere, and stop inflicting it on innocent people who've never done anything to deserve it!
You even have a spelling mistake in your title, you stupid person! What sort of writer can you possibly be if you can't even spell your -ing title properly?
Stop using chatspeak. It makes you look like an illiterate, 13-year-old American retard girl. (Although that's a bit redundant, because all Americans are retards.)
It's spelled 'Original Series', you dumb airhead. God, how braindead do you have to be to get that wrong? Learn how to read and write and use spellchecker before you even think about opening a Word document again, you spaz.
Oh, and you should get a thesaurus as well. Your fic reads like it was written by someone with the reading age of a -ing five year old.
I'm not even going to touch how OOC the Marquis de Sod is in this. It hurts my brain to even think about it.